The Movie Review Game

I LOVE movies! You may have guessed that from the fact I'm doing a challenge to watch 250 films I haven't previously seen. I've always watched a lot of movies because not only do I enjoy it but it's kind of my way of unwinding.

Now, lately because I have been watching loads more films than usual and giving each one a mini review and rating I've been reading the reviews for films too. Not critics reviews, film magazines and blogs like I've always done but your reviews. The thoughts of the general movie going public.

Now I realise everyone is entitled to their own opinion on anything and I realise that you may not agree with some of the ratings I've given films, but some of you movie reviewing film viewers are mental!

I won't have my rant in this post. Instead I'm going to let you all play a little game. I will post some genuine film reviews written by the "ordinary" movie going public and you guess which film they are talking about.

Remember these are all real reviews. Are you ready for this?


UPDATE: - If anybody correctly guesses the movie review number 14 in this list by Monday 18th April 2011 I will personally buy them a Curly Wurly.

1. Honestly for crap like this I wish there was a 0 option for rating. It's a contemptuous fantasy about the "great empire". Garbage. Call it glamorizing the military. No wonder so many people don't have trouble with the Iraq War (or any other) for that matter-they get their ideas on war from Hollywood, ne'er a battered or bloodied body in sight and no impact beyond the tediousness of the good vs. evil battle. The special effects are unsophisticated, the acting non-existent. A formula movie made with the absolute minimum of skill. This is a movie that's success speaks like no other about money, advertising,media saturation and POWER. And a small aside to the adults, acting like kids still praising this rubbish-GROW UP

2.  This film was disturbing. This is not the way a good ghost should act! (even if there were no ghost). Well the best part is the song.

3. I watched the movie in a local cinema the other night,I should admit I was caught in the web of marketing and media frenzy,,half way the show I lost my interest and with difficulty and hundreds of yawns I could go through the dragging,,,this could've been a play instead of a movie,,all the hype and media rush is because it was nominated for golden globe,,and we usually have a sort of pack mentality,the leaders(critics,golden globe etc.)said it worth to watch and we rush to see it,,believe me it is not.

4.  Yep, [one out of] 100. It's just so terrible that's probably more than it deserves. The reason it's in black and white is because it's so bad, if it were in color than people could actually see the fake blood is, in fact, ketchup! I believe this movie is over rated and I even think Escape From L.a and the new Rollerball are better than it(they are both at least 50 times better).

5. I found this amusing for about no minutes whatsoever. The movie has "franchise" written all over it. Are we ready for the dolls? The Burger King cups? Heck, yes, obviously - let's reduce all imagination to cheap commodities, sell our children on an open market and let business ethics only apply. The "story" is soporific, the dialog cliché, the characters banal, the message simpering wimpy crap only suited for a sado-masochist on a hangover. Gaudy bit of CGI fluff pretending to be a "children's classic" - only in the dreams of the cynical and the dead.

6.  just plain bad not even slightly funny .jules what were u thinking.It isn't a little funny not one laugh occurred when i saw it. It wasn't only me who hates it a lot of people did,i just can't understand how people could like this garbage.it is silly and immature and anyone who likes it must have the mind of a child. it is really stupid.please if your considering watching this please take caution.oh and if you were thinking of watching the other one please don't it is worse.i hope this warning is useful to you. yes also please no one decide to use this movie for a media studies project please don't do it. the humor in it is just stupid i mean i see it on the screen and i just don't laugh it just not funny!!

7. If this movie is serious, it is terrible. If it is a comedy, they hit the mark. The funniest part was when the gay character is reading the koran. The muslims would come for this guy first and string him up or stone him under sharia law. Please. You want to do a movie, make the bad guys muslims not Christians. The cinematography was well done.

8. I was disgusted with this film within ten minutes.

If the film has a point, I will never know it.

I was repulsed.

I became physically ill.

Junkies don't act like that, and they certainly don't slap their arms like that.

This film was nominated for an Oscar.

This film was influential with the youth of America, if not the world.

This film was not funny.

This film was pointless.

This film was retchingly creepy.

Not exactly Great Expectations, but what can you expect from the generation that listens to Fifty Cent?

9. I must be the odd one out. I saw this movie with my son. Both of us found the movie very bad, bad story line very bad action. 

Yes there is action, lots of action. But the action is action for the action, it hard to see a story line.
The story is also very over the top. I know it is a kind of SF movie but unlike Starwars the action and gadgets are totally exaggerated. So overall a wast of money. It was hard not to fall asleep.

10. It's easy to fool a sheep. Take an idea with great potential and then throw it in a barrel and burn it. Then throw a banal senseless story that barely looks complex, mix it with cheap action and waste over 2 hours of everyones lives. And the sheep rejoice because they think it is intelligent, daring, original and emotional. The truth is sad; it's just another generic Hollywood blockbuster action set in a "fantastic'' setting. It insults intelligence and anyone with an IQ > 70 gets it, and the majority praises it for it's emptiness because only that can they understand. 

These types of movies make me wonder if we really deserved a comet in 2012.

11. this is the worst film ever to be made because its CR*P and it ain't ready for the godfather all you r.e teachers understand that. so all you r.e teachers be quiet before you get shanked.

1.the godfather 2.the godfather pt 2 3.inception
******* is worse then toy story the whole collection it is even worser than super babies to be honest with you don't worry it will soon be taken out of the number one slot by Christopher Nolan ********** is so sh*t at directing films he is worser then David Yates. im gonna make **********  an offer the film cant refruse the offer.

12. I can't believe some of you liked this movie. It's one of the most awful things i've ever seen. There's too many charachters and stories, the jokes ain't funny and the acting sucks. 

It's absolutly disgusting. Even the edition is bad. Nothin works in this movie. 1 out of 10.

13. I couldn’t even read the review—so offended just by the premise of this movie. Why would anyone claiming to love Christ find humor in something pertaining to this subject matter. I hope no one is watching this without a heavy heart. Couldn’t pay me to watch it.

14. Uses the Lord's name in vain many times. Nothing here which leads watchers to Jesus. Some adultery scenes.

My Ratings: Moral rating: Very Offensive / Moviemaking quality: 1

15. The movie puts a positive face on witchcraft by making a distinction between white magic and the black arts, a distinction that the Bible never makes. In fact, the Bible associates all forms of sorcery with the Prince of Darkness… Young people who watch the movie will identify emotionally with the heros and heroines and want to be just like them and, in the process, the positive exposure to occult practices will desensitize them to the dangers and maybe entice them to experimentation.

Film Challenge - Halfway Through

By tomorrow evening I will be exactly half way through my film project. That means I will have watched 125 movies I haven't previously seen so far this year. Truth be told, I've probably watched about 30 movies I've already seen on top of that number. In fact, right now whilst writing this post I'm watching Contact because it's an awesome movie and I like having something on in the background when I work at stuff that isn't of great importance.

Out of the 125 new movies I've seen quite a few of them have been absolute crap, but there have been a few cinema gems in there. Although by my own admission I've seen a lot of rubbish I'm sick of hearing people say "they don't make films like they used to" or "It's all CG or special effects these days and no story at all"

My response to that is "Shut up". Look at 50's B movies! Crap films, crap story and all the cutting edge special effects of the day. Sure, there's a lot of rubbish being produced now, but that's only because there are so many films being produced all over the world now. If you choose to believe that the only things out there are in the top ten cinema listings then you have the common sense usually attributed to a poo filled tea bag.

Anyways, I shall be waiting till I've finished the challenge before I do too much writing or ranting about specific films or the challenge but I am still open to suggestions of what I should watch or avoid. Think you can convince me that the only good films were made during your childhood? Bring it on.

Whined and dined in Paris

Last week we went to Paris for a long weekend. It's my girlfriend Amy's 21st birthday next week, so the trip to Paris was her birthday present from her parents, a fantastic present that neither of us will ever forget.

I said in my last post that I wouldn't bore you with an in depth trip report so I shall just mention the high points and low points of our short trip.

* When we got on the train in our sleepy little town to get to London there was a man sitting in our reserved seats. There were other seats around and Amy made me be good and nice and sit in a seat that was free. Here's my rant... Don't sit in reserved seats on trains. One would assume that because you put on a suit in the morning, tie your own laces and travel halfway across the country each day to do a job that you are at least partially educated. Read the flipping reserved sign and get the hell out of my seat!

* I have no idea how anyone driving a car in Paris is not dead from either a car accident or through being ripped from their car after cutting up another motorist and being beaten to death. There do not seem to be any rules of the road here. Just get in your car, point it in the direction you want to go and close your eyes. No exaggeration here, It's just bloody mental. I must say though on the whole I found Parisians to be helpful and friendly, but if you see one get into a car then run!

* We walked so far on the first day that our feet were sore and blistered by the next morning and made things a little painful for the rest of the trip. My advice, take the Metro. It's so easy to get around and by far the best and cleanest underground system I've ever been on.

* City destinations always attract tourist prices. For a snack and a coffee at a half decent cafe in Paris you might want to consider re-mortgaging your house or selling your children. It's very expensive. The most expensive bottle of Coke we bought in a cafe turned out to be €8. Thats well over minimum hourly wage for a Coke. I must say though that the food is, of course, divine. It is Paris after all.

* There's lot's to see and do in Paris and it's a gorgeous city. Look.

The view from it over the city is even better.

* Traveling in confined spaces such as the Eurostar makes me want to kill people. Whether it be ignorant German business men who sit wherever the hell they like so as not to crease their suits and get in my way when I try to get off the train even though it's really obvious I'm traveling with my girlfriend. Or the racist family from Essex who got on at Euro Disney and insisted their luggage stay in the aisle even when asked to move it forcing everyone needing to pass to climb over it, even that poor old lady. Shame on you. Next time I'll wang your case of the train, even if it does break the Disney china you kept telling everyone to mind as they mountaineered their way over your crap.

Aside from my ranting and moaning people I really did have a brilliant time and this is why.

This woman put's up with all of my whining and moaning in realtime, even when it's her birthday trip. She helps care for my blistered feet in a crowded Parisian park and doesn't bat an eyelid. She takes me from grumpy to human when most people would either run in fear or punch me, yet she's the one that gets snapped at when somebody gets on a train I'm on.

I have never in my life appreciated someone as much as I appreciate her and this wonderful trip to Paris has made me appreciate her a whole lot more. I don't say it enough but thank you, you're wonderful in so many ways and even though some things, ok most things (like trains!) make me moan I wouldn't change a thing.

Right, enough soppy, nearly half way through my film challenge so expect a post about it soon. It may involve me moaning, so just stay away from my seat.