I've mentioned in my profile that I'm I professional musician, which may have people thinking "Wow, this guy's cool, I want to know more about him". Well, you're right, I am cool, but for anyone under the illusion that I'm leading a glamorous lifestyle and posting from a beach house or some contemporary apartment with views of a city somewhere, let me set the record straight.
I am indeed a professional musician. More specifically I'm a percussionist who specialises in orchestral percussion, hand percussion and drum kit. I also play cornet/flugelhorn/trumpet, organ, keyboard and bass guitar. By now half of you will be thinking "wow" and the other half "smartarse", but that's just pretty much what I've done with my life so far.
I did a music technology based degree so spent a lot of time in the studio learning about recording and production. Since then I have been lucky enough to work as a freelance musician.
Now that still sounds an exciting prospect but there are plenty of downsides to all of this. I did a few years "on the road" playing with orchestras, brass bands, wind bands, big bands, theatre bands etc. These generally paid well and were a lot of fun, but they can be few and far between. Not knowing when your next paycheque is coming or how much it will be is not exactly fun.
I played for, with and alongside various rock and pop bands and artists, some very famous but most not. These experiences ranged from amazing to an absolute freaking nightmare and the pay...well, let's just say that it was nothing to write home about and that you'd struggle to buy the stamp if you did.
When I wasn't out gigging I was trying to make a name for myself as a composer and or sound designer in the world of film and TV. It never quite happened, and although it was fun writing music for independent films and seeing my name on a credit it was also time consuming and exhausting.
The nail in the coffin was when I submitted work for a film that would have paid very well and potentially been seen by millions and didn't get it. As a musician you get very used to rejections after auditions but being as the movie in question was a full on hardcore porno and I didn't get the, let's face it, very easy job of writing "musak" I decided to focus my efforts elsewhere. I still write occasionally and sometimes submit scores for filmmakers, but without the hopes and pressure that I used to.
All the time this was going on I had a fairly well paid job in a college as lecturer of percussion. For a while this was great, then good, then soul destroying. Problems arose with various pay cuts and management takeovers and then towards the end I became quite seriously ill and was spending time in and out of hospital and physically unable to play music. I won't go into the ins and outs of the illness, maybe some other time, but for the worriers among you I am now much better thanks to medication — and no, it's not contagious.
I left music altogether for about a year and a half. I did a nine to five job working for the government. I was a secret agent. Ok, well, maybe not, I did a stressful office based job that I hated, even though it turns out I was very good at it, and I was getting a regular income for the first time since my paper round.
That all ended when the new government got in and told me my contract was ending — oh, and by the way, can you train your replacement? I'm not bitter, I bloody hated and yet at the same time bloody loved working there but alas it was not to be.
So at the end of last year found myself back in music again. Most of the work I do now is teaching. It's not the most reliable thing in the world but I enjoy it more than I remember. I travel to a school to teach steel pans which is pretty awesome, I'm musical director of a junior windband which I do voluntarily because at least once a week I decide to be nice, and I'm trying to build up the private tuition side of things this year too. Hopefully this year will also see my return to the orchestra as I've been asked to play timpani in a John Rutter requiem, and with a bit of luck that might even get my name into the right circles again.
I don't know what 2011 holds musically or if indeed I'll still be working in music by the end of it, these are troublesome financial times for those with a regular income so whether the economy will be my downfall remains to be seen.
I'll leave you all with a video to watch of a trailer I re-scored towards the end of last year which unfortunately never came to anything as the production folded, but at least now I'm blogging someone other than myself and my family will get to hear some of my work. It's not my best or worst work but you may as well take a listen. Damn it Jim, I'm a musician not a blogger!
Saturday 22 January 2011
Thursday 20 January 2011
Goodbye Old Friend
It's now been five days fifteen hours forty-nine minutes and seven seconds since I quit smoking. Not that I'm counting or anything. So far it's been stressful, emotional and to be honest, really bloody hard.
So far it's been stressful, emotional and to be honest just really bloody hard. I've given up a few times in the past for anything between a few days to a little over seven months. Each time has not been without it's difficulties, but I'm hoping this time is the one that's going to mean something.
Yesterday was probably the hardest day so far, and I assumed it was just a general feeling of sadness and being the day I teach in a school making it hard. I had to stop myself from going into shop I drove past on the way to and from work, and at one point I even opened the glove box of my car thinking if I were to find a pack of cigarettes in there that I'd somehow forgotten about I would just smoke and end the general grogginess and of something being missing from my daily routine that's plagued me for the past few days.
When I took my shirt off last night I discovered my nicotine patch was missing, just gone completely and nowhere to be found. I searched all of my clothes, turned my socks inside out, hunted all over the floor but it just wasn't there. I didn't even have the usual marks left on my arm from a whole day of wearing a patch, or the slight itchy redness they tend to leave on my skin. The only explanation is that it came off in the morning when I got dressed, meaning it can't have been on for even an hour and I went the whole day having to use willpower alone.
Well... that or I blacked out, rolled it up and smoked it at some point yesterday afternoon and then wiped my own memory.
The last time I quit I did it for my girlfriend at the time. It was a couple of months into our almost year long rocky relationship, and while she never said "sSop smoking I hate it" I was left with a feeling of guilt every time I had one and had to cut down smoking around her. I quit using the patches then too and it worked for a while...until the relationship and life in general started going downhill.
The first day I started smoking again she found the pack while we were in the pub and got very publicly upset with me. I was actually going to tell her I'd had two cigarettes that day but being as I met her in the pub surrounded by her friends I was saving it until the walk home. That was actually the beginning of the end for the relationship as I was accused of hiding things from her, and then there became a serious trust issue.
I did actually stop again after that night, but me being me the next time there was an accusation of me hiding something (I wasn't) and the words "You lied to me about smoking" were uttered I decided to be the rebel, and I started smoking again.
It's a big flaw in my character, really, ever since I was a child if I was falsely accused of something enough times I would just think "Screw it" and go right ahead and do it. I'm not sure if I'm cured now, old enough to see how silly that is or whether it's just been so long since a false accusation I haven't had chance to be a dick about it. Anyway, I digress.
For the last few months of my last relationship I was smoking behind her back for the whole time. She was seeing me less and less anyway, which made it easier for me to hide. I'd carry around mints and spray and at the height of my little love triangle between the ex and some Marly lights I'd be showering up to seven times a day and sending my washing machine into overdrive.
I realise some of you will think I'm a complete bastard for this, and you're probably right. In my defense I was going through a lot of crap outside of that relationship, most of which, I don't really want to write about at this point in my life, but needless to say whilst the best of excuses don't usually make a deception morally right the fags helped me cope in a time I could have very easily lost more than a relationship.
Time for me to come off the psychiatrist's couch now and wrap things up. Why am I trying to give up smoking this time?
They say you should never quit for someone else and I've proved that that is sound advice in the the past, but partly I'm giving up for Amy. It's been very nearly two years since we started going out and I know she doesn't like me smoking. While I'd like to avoid doing things she doesn't like a) to make her happy and b) to avoid pissing her off to the point where she castrates me in my sleep, I'm secure in the knowledge that she loves me for who I am, smoker or not, and that as long as I try to give up she will appreciate that I've made an effort to meet her halfway.
Mostly I'm giving up for me, well future me. I'm a musician so I can't really afford to smoke. If I'm honest, as a smoker I'll always find a way to smoke, but without wasting my money on something I'm going to set fire to I can try to put something aside, maybe pay off some debts or have that little bit of extra cash I'd have if I worked a nine to five.
This is the decade my life that will see the biggest changes, too. In all likelihood, and a lot of hope, by 2020 I'll be married with my own place and children, and I don't want to have to spending at least £6 every single day on a pack of fags. I don't want to give my own children the impression that smoking is OK and I want to live long enough to see my own grandchildren, complain about loud music and tell everyone who'll listen how old I am and how much better things were in my day. If I'm going to be a burden to society I'd rather do it taking rubbish to strangers and embarrassing my family than lying in a hospital bed making everyone who cares about me worry a good decade before it's really my time.
Can I do it? Can I quit for good? The answer to that is I just don't know. I've made it this far, which is brilliant, but If I had a really bad day or something terrible were to happen over the next few months then who knows? Sorry to disappoint anyone expecting a great big YES but that's just the way it is.
Hopefully given enough time I'll have other ways of getting through things without my nicotine crutch. I sure hope so, but for now all I can do is take things one day at a time. Oh, and maybe seek help for my new found pack-a-day Mentos addiction.
So far it's been stressful, emotional and to be honest just really bloody hard. I've given up a few times in the past for anything between a few days to a little over seven months. Each time has not been without it's difficulties, but I'm hoping this time is the one that's going to mean something.
Yesterday was probably the hardest day so far, and I assumed it was just a general feeling of sadness and being the day I teach in a school making it hard. I had to stop myself from going into shop I drove past on the way to and from work, and at one point I even opened the glove box of my car thinking if I were to find a pack of cigarettes in there that I'd somehow forgotten about I would just smoke and end the general grogginess and of something being missing from my daily routine that's plagued me for the past few days.
When I took my shirt off last night I discovered my nicotine patch was missing, just gone completely and nowhere to be found. I searched all of my clothes, turned my socks inside out, hunted all over the floor but it just wasn't there. I didn't even have the usual marks left on my arm from a whole day of wearing a patch, or the slight itchy redness they tend to leave on my skin. The only explanation is that it came off in the morning when I got dressed, meaning it can't have been on for even an hour and I went the whole day having to use willpower alone.
Well... that or I blacked out, rolled it up and smoked it at some point yesterday afternoon and then wiped my own memory.
The last time I quit I did it for my girlfriend at the time. It was a couple of months into our almost year long rocky relationship, and while she never said "sSop smoking I hate it" I was left with a feeling of guilt every time I had one and had to cut down smoking around her. I quit using the patches then too and it worked for a while...until the relationship and life in general started going downhill.
The first day I started smoking again she found the pack while we were in the pub and got very publicly upset with me. I was actually going to tell her I'd had two cigarettes that day but being as I met her in the pub surrounded by her friends I was saving it until the walk home. That was actually the beginning of the end for the relationship as I was accused of hiding things from her, and then there became a serious trust issue.
I did actually stop again after that night, but me being me the next time there was an accusation of me hiding something (I wasn't) and the words "You lied to me about smoking" were uttered I decided to be the rebel, and I started smoking again.
It's a big flaw in my character, really, ever since I was a child if I was falsely accused of something enough times I would just think "Screw it" and go right ahead and do it. I'm not sure if I'm cured now, old enough to see how silly that is or whether it's just been so long since a false accusation I haven't had chance to be a dick about it. Anyway, I digress.
For the last few months of my last relationship I was smoking behind her back for the whole time. She was seeing me less and less anyway, which made it easier for me to hide. I'd carry around mints and spray and at the height of my little love triangle between the ex and some Marly lights I'd be showering up to seven times a day and sending my washing machine into overdrive.
I realise some of you will think I'm a complete bastard for this, and you're probably right. In my defense I was going through a lot of crap outside of that relationship, most of which, I don't really want to write about at this point in my life, but needless to say whilst the best of excuses don't usually make a deception morally right the fags helped me cope in a time I could have very easily lost more than a relationship.
Time for me to come off the psychiatrist's couch now and wrap things up. Why am I trying to give up smoking this time?
They say you should never quit for someone else and I've proved that that is sound advice in the the past, but partly I'm giving up for Amy. It's been very nearly two years since we started going out and I know she doesn't like me smoking. While I'd like to avoid doing things she doesn't like a) to make her happy and b) to avoid pissing her off to the point where she castrates me in my sleep, I'm secure in the knowledge that she loves me for who I am, smoker or not, and that as long as I try to give up she will appreciate that I've made an effort to meet her halfway.
Mostly I'm giving up for me, well future me. I'm a musician so I can't really afford to smoke. If I'm honest, as a smoker I'll always find a way to smoke, but without wasting my money on something I'm going to set fire to I can try to put something aside, maybe pay off some debts or have that little bit of extra cash I'd have if I worked a nine to five.
This is the decade my life that will see the biggest changes, too. In all likelihood, and a lot of hope, by 2020 I'll be married with my own place and children, and I don't want to have to spending at least £6 every single day on a pack of fags. I don't want to give my own children the impression that smoking is OK and I want to live long enough to see my own grandchildren, complain about loud music and tell everyone who'll listen how old I am and how much better things were in my day. If I'm going to be a burden to society I'd rather do it taking rubbish to strangers and embarrassing my family than lying in a hospital bed making everyone who cares about me worry a good decade before it's really my time.
Can I do it? Can I quit for good? The answer to that is I just don't know. I've made it this far, which is brilliant, but If I had a really bad day or something terrible were to happen over the next few months then who knows? Sorry to disappoint anyone expecting a great big YES but that's just the way it is.
Hopefully given enough time I'll have other ways of getting through things without my nicotine crutch. I sure hope so, but for now all I can do is take things one day at a time. Oh, and maybe seek help for my new found pack-a-day Mentos addiction.
Tuesday 18 January 2011
My 2011 Film Challenge
I'm taking part in the film challenge 2011 where I shall be attempting to watch 250 movies I haven't seen before over the next year.
There are a few thing's you should know about me to explain why I am doing this challenge:
1. On January 15th I gave up smoking, a 20 a day habit I've had on and off since the age of 13. I'm doing it with help from the NHS, nicotine patches and the support of my wonderful girlfriend but still, it's bloody hard and I'm only on day four. Hopefully watching lot's of films will help distract me from the cravings and the challenge will give me something to focus on.
2. My job title is professional musician and freelance tutor. In real terms this means I have lots of free time when
either I'm between gigging jobs, working unsociable hours so I'm on my own when everyone else is out at work or I'm doing lesson plans and general teacher preparation stuff that can be done whilst watching a movie.
I will be using mainly LoveFilm.com thanks to @digitalshades for the recommendation and the voucher ,,and hopefully I'll rack up a few points on my Odeon card by the end of the year too. I'm also pretty sure that my girlfriend Amy will be sitting me in front of the many musicals and black & white chick flicks that I've managed to avoid for the past 26 years, which I'm sure will be fun.
So, to set my rules straight: 250 films I have not previously seen between 01/01/11 and 31/12/11. I will not count movies I have seen before, boxsets of TV shows or movies where I fall asleep whilst watching. I am allowed to skip the end credits
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