Your mission, should you choose to accept it

People, I'm excited. Luckily for you it's not sexually so you can take off the goggles and shower cap and gather round.

I'm excited about the new trailer released today for Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. At this point let me clarify that like every other vaguely normal person I find Tom Cruise to be a strange, midget-like mental case, but I do love the Mission: Impossible films.

Right now I'm watching MI-3 and it's a pretty good film, largely thanks to director J.J.Abrams (and in my own geeky mind composer Michael Giacchino). J.J won't be directing number four but he is still a producer (and Giacchino is still scoring!) This time around Brad Bird will be at the helm as director — that's right, the director of The Iron Giant, The Incredibles and Ratatouille will be taking on his first live action film.

If you can put up with a two hour toothy smirk from the lead weirdo this should be an interesting movie. Oh yeah, it also has Simon Pegg and Lost's Josh Holloway for the ladies.

Now I just need to sneak out of the house when it comes out on boxing day...... Check out the trailer below.

People who Piss me off

Lots of people have pet peeves. Who knows, I could even be one of yours. As I get older I feel that I'm getting more and more grumpy about everyday things, and nothing makes me grumpier than people. When I inevitably at some point end up moaning out load about the things that piss me off, I then feel bad about moaning so it's a lose-lose scenario for me.

Now, before you get all smart arse on me and start thinking "people who moan piss me off" a) please see the irony in your own thought and commence with self-hate immediately and b) I'm not one to moan out load in public. I keep it inside and then bitch to family, friends and my long suffering partner.
Without further ado I give you a (very) shortened list of entitled 'People who Piss me off'.

• People who moan out loud in public
• Anyone who tuts in a queue
• The person who runs back into the shop to get that last item, holding up the line at the checkout
• Cyclists who ride side by side
• Cyclists without lights/helmets/reflective clothing etc
• Cyclists
• Caravaners
• Fat middle aged men who shout at sportsmen on the TV
• People who wear sports clothing for everyday use
• People who are computer illiterate doing jobs that involve computers
• People who are bad at their jobs
• Runners
• Bullys
• People who drive like dicks, inevitably in a German car
• Litterers 
• People who talk in the cinema
• Queue jumpers
• Male, teenage drivers
• Teenagers
• Anyone who rides a moped
• Cyclists again
• Stupid people
• Radio One presenters
• Everyone I didn't care about at school who added me on Facebook. And their stupid children
• People who send chain emails
• Telemarketers
• Politicians 
• Boy racers
• Anyone who goes door to door trying to sell religion
• People who deny evolution or the Holocaust (grouped together as they're the same kind of moron)
• People who own landrovers and don't live on the side of a mountain
• People who buy a people carrier because they have two kids and a dog
• The man who lives up the street from me
• People who talk just to fill a silence
• People who think you're sad or moody just because you don't talk to fill a silence
• Anyone who walks around shirtless in public
• Anyone who wears lycra in public
• Parents who swear at their small children in public
• People who walk the street with an open can of lager
• Women who apply make-up with a shovel
• Old ladies that don't wear bras
• Compulsive liars
• Psychics (see compulsive liars)
• People who, when they find out I'm a musician, tell me all about how they used to play an instrument and could have made it if they'd only kept it up
• Anyone who smells really strongly of weed
• Anyone who smells faintly like a bodily fluid/function
• Homophobics
• Tweenage girls who dress like hookers
• Justin Bieber
• People who are just too into fashion and dress like twats
• People who have no clue about fashion and dress like twats
• Anyone who shouts in the street
• White people who dress like rappers
• People who don't acknowledge wearing a football shirt is just as much playing dress-up as wearing a Star Trek uniform
• People with a stuffed toy collection on the parcel shelf of their car
• Cellists
• Me
• Cyclists
• Any group of people who share the same haircut
• Vegans
• Hippies
• Responsible adults with facial piercings
• Guys who hit on girls who clearly have a boyfriend (also see list entitled; Things that make me use my shotgun)
• People who stare at me
• Noisy people in the quiet carriage   

I think that's enough for now, but rest assured more may follow. Feel free to add to the list yourself.
If this list has offended anyone in anyway, well, it's kind of your fault really and you might want to have a bit of a rethink about your entire life.

Penguin's been busy

Fear not reader(s), I haven't abandoned you. Yes, I know it's been over a month since I last wrote anything, but I've been busy. Not that kind of busy where I just say I've been busy and I've actually just been lazy and you can kinda tell by looking at my film list and Twitter feed and then call me on my procrastinating bullshit. I mean work related busy.

First of all, my big gig went very well. It was hard work filling in for someone and learning an entire album in a couple of weeks for the sake of one gig and having to rehearse Cajon so much that I ripped my hands apart, but my God it was fun. Here's a picture (I'm the one at the back sitting on the box)

In gig related news, I won't be doing the cruise ship gig this winter, but instead I'm now finally teaching in school. I'm only in one day a week doing instrumental lessons and hopefully groups, but hooray for some steady work. It's weird going into school and being called 'Sir' or 'Mr Penguin' (obviously my real surname isn't Penguin and the kids don't really call me Mr Penguin. If they did it'd just be a bit messed up) 

I've also been really busy with having to transcribe drum parts, arranging songs about Jesus for keyboard students, arranging Christmas music in June for brass students exams and writing out various exercises to use in my teaching. Given the amount of work I have ahead with all of that, I'm toying with the idea of putting them all in a book.

The great thing about being a freelance musician is at that I can spend a day in the studio recording a play-along version of my partner's favourite song to cheer her up during uni exams and I get to call it work. By the end of the week I was filling in with a big band performing Michael Buble songs. Who needs financial stability, eh? 

Oh yeah, and I've started a diet. I even go and get weighed every week. I know what you're thinking..."fatty fatty bum bum" well sod you! It's more a controlling my diet and getting back in shape now that I'm (mostly) in remission from my colitis. I'm cooking fresh stuff every day and being very good. I'm even teaching my baby brother, who's also in the group, to cook.

Hopefully with the summer holiday approaching I'll have more time to sit down and thrill my readership with the delights of my innermost thoughts once more. I bet you can't wait.