Question Time

As anyone who actually reads this blog knows I am very new to the whole blogging thing. I'm still not very good at it either, and I'm trying to find new blogs to read that I like and am genuinely interested in. Then I can start commenting on blogs, which I really want to do but it's still virgin territory and therefore, metaphorically speaking, all a bit tight and nervous.

My lovely girlfriend (the real blogger) recently posted a "50 questions about her" post, and I thought that being as my blog is essentially about myself, the things I like, the things I get up to and some of the strange thoughts that run through my head I would resort to plagiarism, and answer the same 50 questions.

So here we go, 50 questions about a person you've never met and have no investment in, emotional or otherwise, and required reading for potential stalkers.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
I've been up since 7.34 after waking up from yet another night of weird nicotine patch induced dreams. It's now 11.36 and I'm still in bed. One of the great things about being my own boss is I can work not only from home but from bed. A little work first thing followed by a movie and then some blogging all before I properly work this evening.

2. How do you like your steak?
The natural question to follow the last, then? Well here it is the big confession...I don't really like steak all that much. I realise that that makes me a complete freak of nature in the eyes of most people but I've just had bad experiences in the past. Horrible tough steak I was made to eat as a kid, and whilst staying with a family in France I cut into a steak that was so rare it squirted blood and it's just put me off it. I'm no vegetarian and I'll happily eat a burger which is essentially the same, but I'd order that medium.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Yesterday Amy and I saw Tangled in 3D which was my 69th new film of the year for my challenge. If grown men watched Disney films and admitted to liking them the world would be a better, happier, safer place.


4. What is your favourite TV show?
This is my kind of question! 24 was my favourite show by a long way, I didn't start watching until season five and then had to get the box sets. I ended up watching them in just a couple of weeks. I love shows like Dr Who, Torchwood and Sherlock and I'll give most comedy shows a try too, especially if they contain Charlie Brooker or David Mitchell.


5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
They say home is where the heart is. I happy enough where I am even if it's far from perfect but I can cheat on the answer by saying I'd have holiday homes in Cardiff, France, Australia and the East and West coast of the USA.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Cereal with soy milk, as normal milk would make me very poorly and instead of writing this right now I'd be lying on the floor crying.


7. What is your favourite cuisine?
What is your preoccupation with my dietary habits? I hope anyone who has a genuine interest in these answers is planning on buying me lunch. If that's the case it's probably in Italian but I'm happy with Mexican, Chinese & Indian too.

8. What foods do you dislike?
I don't like meat on the bone or anything that's so spicy it hurts.

9. Favourite place to eat?
I love eating out, especially when it involves putting on a suit, but I'm just as happy to eat off my lap in front of the TV.

10. Favourite dressing?
I find to the left that little bit more comfortable.

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
What, no more food questions for me? You don't want to know what I snacked on April 10th last year?
I drive a Fiat Stilo - It's a piece of crap but it's all mine. I'm a musician so I'm broke and need a car big enough to fit most of a percussion section into. Whenever we go on long journeys we take my girlfriend's lovely lovely little Fiat 500 to be eco-friendly. That and it will get us there and back whereas mine might not.

12. What are your favourite clothes?
I do love a nice sharp suit, but I will be mostly found wearing jeans and Converse. I have a slight coat/jacket fetish though.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
I could easily visit every five star hotel in the world, maybe you could buy me dinner in one of them being as you're so interested in that? I've always wanted to see San Francisco and visit Alcatraz, probably my inner and outer movie geek there though. I'd love to go back to New York again too.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Broken cup.

15. Where would you like to retire?
It would be great to think that a) I'll live long enough to reach retirement and b) I'll not turn into some grumpy old goat who gets bunged into some nursing home and only looks forward to staring out of the window and groping the occasional nurse. Joking aside, it would be good to be around the people I love at the end wherever that is and just relax.

16. Favourite time of day?
I'm much more of a night time kind of guy. It may be hard for you to believe this, but I've been known to be a bit of a grumpy git when I first wake up.

17. Where were you born?
Coventry in the UK. For those not familiar with it here are three fun facts for you.
A. It's where British actor Clive Owen was born
B. The term 'sent to Coventry' was coined when people realised how much of a shithole it was.
C. The city underwent some slight Nazi remodelling in the 1940's and since then a race of mutants has evolved from the rubble, of which the aforementioned Clive Owen is the first to take almost human form.

18. What is your favourite sport to watch?
Ice Hockey.

19.  Who do you think will not tag you back?
Doesn't tagging involve spray paint? Why the hell would anyone do this?

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
If any of you even tried to spray your name on me I'd call the police. Stick to buying me dinner.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Anyone. Please? Hello? Is anyone actually reading this far? I'd love someone to respond, especially as it's lunchtime.

22. Bird watcher?
Because on a list of 50 questions you could ask a stranger, ornithology comes before the halfway point right? The crazy man across the street keeps pigeons and I watch them crap on my car, if that counts?

23. Are you a morning or night person?
See question 16.

24. Pets?
I'll keep the sob story short. I have a ginger cat called Jedi and I used to have an Alaskan Malamute called Sylar, but after I got ill I took an office job for just over a year which meant I wasn't working from home and I had to have her re-homed. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but it was the only responsible decision. I've heard she now lives on a farm and is very happy.

 

25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?

Off to Paris at the end of March for my girlfriend's 21st birthday, I shall not be blogging that weekend, which will upset those of you who like to keep tabs on what I eat.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?

Lot's of things, and I'm still annoyed I never got to be an astronaut or a Ghostbuster. But I did get to be a policeman and a musician, so go me.

27. What is your best childhood memory?

Leaving home...but I ended up coming back, so that can't count. Two memories stand out. The first is when my baby brother was born. He's now 21 and built like a brick shithouse. The second is our first trip to Florida and having two weeks pretending to be a normal family.

28. Are you a cat or a dog person?

Definitely a dog person.

29. Are you married?

No, I have a younger girlfriend and no money. Hopefully time will rectify both of these issues.

30. Always wear your seat belt?

Only in the car, I find it very restrictive anywhere else.

31. Been in a car accident?

Yes a couple of times but nothing too bad. In the police I attended some bad ones though.

32. Any pet peeves?

How long do you have? So many little things piss me off and it's always people being arseholes. People are much bigger arseholes in their cars which is where I shout at them most. Large groups of people are usually arseholes too. So in short, I guess people in general. Bastards. Oh, and questions about food.

33. Favourite Pizza topping?

Back to food again, why don't you just tell me I ate all the pies and sod off with the culinary interrogation? Cheese, Pepperoni and Tomato.

34. Favourite Flower?

Nobody has ever bought me flowers *sob*

35. Favouite Ice Cream?

Chocolate & banana together.

36. Favourite fast food restaurant?

Given that there are no Taco Bell places near me in the UK I'll have to stick to Maccy D's.

37. How many times did you fail your driving test?

Zero. I passed first time. When I got home I went straight out in my car and accidentally cut up the guy who had passed me an hour earlier. I then lived in fear he would change the paperwork and fail me.

38. From whom did you get your last email?

Spam from Amazon.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

I maxed it out years ago trying to stay clothed and fed, and I'm still paying it off. Don't do it, kids!

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?

I bought a rifle and took out Justin Bieber, saving mankind from a life of pain and suffering...would be a good answer, but I bought a DVD in ASDA I wasn't planning on buying. I like to be spontaneous when it's £3 or less.

41. Like your job?

Yes, actually, lots, but It's trying to make enough money being freelance to keep afloat that's the hard part.

42. Broccoli?

So now we're just naming foods are we? Like I'm some sort of man-whale that thinks about nothing else. Yes, I like Broccoli! I also like Van Gogh paintings, walks at sunset and the feel of a freshly made bed against my skin if you'd care to know something other than what my the contents of my stomach! Is this sponsored by Tesco?

43. What was your favourite vacation?

Me, my brother a big convertible and a Christmas in Florida.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?

My girlfriend and 35 other people from our wind band went to an all you can eat buffet. If you like, food freaks, I can post an itemised list of what I ate and the order I ate it in?

45. What are you listening to right now?

The sound of my fingers tapping the keyboard and rain hitting my office window. (I moved from my bed if you thought you'd spotted a continuity error)

46. What is your favouite colour?

Blue

47.  How many tattoos do you have?

Two. Here are the pictures of my tattoos and people who can actually tell me what they are get one billion geek points.

48. How many people are you tagging for this quiz?

We established earlier that I really don't condone the use of spray paint in this kind of illegal and frankly irresponsible manner.

49. What are you doing when you finish this quiz?

Giving my studio a quick tidy before I start teaching tonight. Then I'm eating, but I'm not telling you anymore about that!

50. Coffee drinker?

Drink is a food related question, but wasn't 49 kind of a natural closing question? I love coffee. Strong & black but with two sugars. At one point when I was teaching in a college I was going through about 20 cups a day, but now I'm down to under five a week.

 

Sick Son of a Bitch

That's me. I am one sick son of a bitch. No, I don't break into old folks homes or kick kittens, I'm sick because I have an illness.

What I have is called Ulcerative Colitis. Medically that means I get ulcers in my colon but in reality it means a whole lot more. There's all sorts of fancy terms and nice complex ways of describing what happens but I'm going put it into very simple terms. Only the few people I'm close to know about this, it's seen as embarrassing mostly, and here I am sharing it with the whole world. Let me warn the squeamish to look away now.

Basically the main problem with having colitis is that you almost shit yourself inside out, the ulcers in your colon cause blood and mucus in your stool and at times you'll need to go to the bathroom just to bleed. Imagine the worse case of diarrhea you've ever had and then imagine that could occur at any time. All of a sudden you need the bathroom and you have maybe seven seconds to get there.

Oh, and don't forget the stomach pain. It's not even the stomach as such, it's all the painful ulcers inside your colon and there's nothing you can do to ease the pain. At my worst I lost over four stone in weight, and so much blood I was anemic and hours away from a blood transfusion.

Now that's what the lucky people get, that's the normal part of having an illness such as colitis. The worse part for me is the rather more rare side effect of arthritis. This can occur anywhere in my body at any given time. Since it all started over four years ago I've had the arthritis in my jaw, neck, shoulders, wrists, fingers, hips, knees, ankles and toes. At it's worst I've been stuck on the toilet for hours because both parts of my colitis have seen fit to be in play at the same time and I've been unable to move. I've been unable to talk or eat when it's been in my jaw, unable to raise my arms above my head as my shoulders wouldn't allow it, unable to play my instruments or at times even hold a fork or spoon to eat. It's also been in my spine, which just leaves me unable to do pretty much anything. It's not been nice at all.

I hate it when it's in my legs. About three years ago the arthritis set into my right ankle and caused it to swell. I coped the best I could but eventually collapsed and was rushed to A&E. I told the doctors why it was happening but they insisted it was unusual for colitis to cause it that badly and proceeded to stab a giant needle into my swollen ankle to try and drain any fluid. Needless to say, that didn't work and it really fucking hurt too.

They eventually put my leg in plaster so that I didn't use it, but being as my shoulders get bad too they  wanted to give me a zimmer frame to get around on. At this point in my early 20's there was no way I was letting that happen so I struggled around on crutches for the next six weeks. Everyone assumed it was a broken leg or some kind of accident and for most people I let them believe this because I got sick of having to explain why my leg was in plaster due to my colon.

Even now when it gets too bad in my legs I need help to walk, and I hate it. I hate being 26 years old and having to use a walking stick, and I hate the way everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of mutant when I do. I used to run for miles before this all happened and now I sometimes need to rest when I'm out shopping!

I spent two years on steroids and put on a shit load of weight due to this fact too. Coming off the steroids was a long process and one in which I got very ill every time the dose got too low. Eventually I was put onto some new medication which, for the large part, sorts my stomach out and allows me to live a mostly normal life in regards to eating and not bleeding to death via my arse.

It goes some way to helping the arthritis too, but not enough really. At times I still find it hard to do things and cope with the pain. I still need my stick sometimes, but it is now a cool stick at least. It's the same stick Hugh Laurie uses in the show House, and is black with flames coming up from the bottom. I, uh, may have been sad enough to have it specially shipped over from the States...

I've been on the immunosuppressants for over a year now and they do help so much, but they can leave me feeling really washed out. I had major problems when I first went on them as for weeks I couldn't eat without being in so much pain that it used to cause me to pass out.

Anyway, so where is all of this going? Well the point is, on my medication I have to have lots of blood tests which is a pain, but beats being ill and it's not like I have a fear of needles or anything. I do have an irrational...I say fear, but it's not as such. It's more of a pathological dislike of...penguins. Don't ask why because I really don't know.

But in the pathology department where I get my blood tests done there is a giant poster of penguins on the wall! I'm sure the nurses think I'm scared of needles, but it's that bloody poster. It freaks me out every single time and I can't bring myself to say anything. With everything I've been through I deserve a break, surely? Why is fate so cruel?

I'm innocent!

Before you see this anywhere else and start jumping to conclusions let me just say....... I'd had a lot to drink, I was doing no harm to anyone else, and there was really no reason for the police to get involved.

Make 'em laugh

I'm really not a fan of going to music gigs, I think mainly it's a busman's holiday kind of thing with me, but I would rarely spend £50 on gig tickets to see a band. I'm also not a big fan of large crowds of people especially when those people are making sudden movements vaguely resembling some kind of dance move crossed with severe epilepsy and screaming slightly incorrect lyrics out of key at the top of their lungs.

But I do have a passion for watching stand-up comedy and a respect, appreciation and I must admit jealously for those who are just naturally funny and able to be funny on stage. I don't even mind crowds so much at comedy gigs, I'm lulled into a false sense of security when people around me are laughing so hard they cry.

I'm suffering from slight bloggers block at the moment, so this post is basically my top 5 stand-up comedians and some short video clips of each one in the hope that someone else laughs today too. 

5. Louis CK - Funny, ginger and first made me laugh with the sitcom Lucky Louie. He's not that known here in the UK but he makes me smile. Just don't watch Pootie Tang!

4. Stephen Lynch - Seeing him in Liverpool a few years ago was one of the best nights of my life. I even went to see him with an ex who had no sense of humour at all and even she laughed.




3. Dara O'Brain - Well known in the UK for being one of the sharpest and wittiest comedians ever. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't find Dara funny, and if you don't well then you're just wrong.



2. Tim Minchin - Modern musical genius and comedy God. I've had the pleasure of sitting front row and being the butt of his jokes and also bumping into him in the street. His song 'White Wine in The Sun', essentially a Christmas song for those of us who don't believe in God is, in my opinion, one of the greatest songs ever written.



1. George Carlin - The only one on my list I never got to see live. I still find it hard to believe that most people in the UK have no idea who the late George Carlin is. His humour touches on almost every subject that is still a taboo in many places and he attracted a lot of criticism from religious groups in the early days of his comedy career. He is the inspiration for many of todays comedians and my all time favourite stand-up comic.

Lovefilm Review

I've just finished watching new film number 52 of the year. This puts me well on track to complete the 250 in 2011 challenge, and even as I write this my iPhone buzzes with an email from Lovefilm to tell me Kung-Fu panda on Blu-Ray is on the way to me.

I'm really impressed with Lovefilm so far and it is fast becoming my preferred way to watch movies. The fact that I can stream movies from my Playstation is brilliant. I was so dubious about watching movies this way at first as I really expected long buffering times and the movies to be cutting out in all the best places, but so far it has worked seamlessly and the picture quality is not a million miles away from DVD quality most of the time.

It's worth noting that if you're expecting the latest blockbusters straight to your Playstation you might be disappointed; while the online films I can watch with my package are plentiful they are not necessarily the best films in the world. Saying that, there are some pretty good movies and I've never been short of something I fancy watching on here and plenty of good old films that I've seen before, and if it weren't for the film challenge I'd happily be watching them again.

In fact my only problem with the playstation side of Lovefilm is that the it only has lists of 100 movies, so if you view a genre by A-Z you can only see as far as letter E. You can however search for any film and either watch it online if it's free with your package, pay to watch it online if it's not or add it to your rental list and get it sent through the post.

The getting sent movies through the post part of Lovefilm is proving fantastic too. It's so easy and finding the nearest postbox when I'm done watching a film is much easier than finding the time to drive back to Blockbuster and worrying about getting it back on time. I should say the turn around is impressive too, they really don't waste time getting your movie sent out. I think we're averaging a new DVD every 2 - 3 days.

The only mild annoyance I have is that you can prioritise the films on your list to low, medium and high depending on how much you want to see the film. The only film I have on my list marked as high priority is The Expendables. It was the very first movie I added to the list and it still hasn't turned up. It will eventually, I know, but once you have your list the films can be sent out in any order. This probably isn't a problem if the movies on your list are just for you but my list consists of movies for myself with an eclectic taste, my 21 year old brother who has possibly never seen a movie without a car chase, and my girlfriend who likes dramas and people in period costume.

It is possible to create separate lists though so I will be looking into that and seeing if that works out any better.

It looks like Blockbuster is on borrowed time and I can only think of two independent video rental stores and they're both a good 20 miles from my house. iTunes is good but it annoys me so much when I have to download a rental movie all afternoon to watch it in the evening, it's just not practical. Overall I think Lovefilm, for me anyway, is the cheapest and most convenient way of renting movies in the 21st century.