Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Reviewed Lost Penguin style

This week I got a boys' afternoon out with my brother, and what better way to spend a boys' afternoon out than watching a mindless action movie in 3D.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a huge improvement on Revenge of the Fallen, but let's face it that's hardly difficult considering Fallen was possibly one of the most half-arsed attempts at film making to ever call itself a blockbuster.

You have to know what to expect when you go and see a CG driven action film, especially from a director like Michael Bay. It's never going to deliver anything profound or win Best Screenplay Oscars, but it is going to be visually impressive if nothing else.

The plot is, of course, ridiculous. This isn't a bad point though. I mean, the film's about giant robots that turn into cars! An Autobot spaceship containing a technology that could have changed the outcome of the civil war with the Decepticons escapes from the Transformers home planet of Cybertron and crash lands on Earths moon. This turns out to be the reason behind the space race and a secret part of Apollo 11's mission. (I must say, this was the best bit of the movie for me as I love all the space race stuff and they did it pretty well. The real Buzz Aldrin was in the movie!)

The rest of the plot is pretty much a massive battle, with added padding because the actors need to flap their mouths occasionally.

We're introduced to the Autobots old leader Sentinel Prime (Leonard 'Spock' Nimoy) who we think is good but turns out is working with the Decepticons. We're also introduced to Sam Witwicky's (Shia LaBeouf) new girlfriend, thingy, whatsername, Miss Perkytits, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitley — more on her later)

Megatron rocks up too and there's lots of shooty, shouty big badabooms.

Unlike Fallen, Dark of the Moon seems to just about manages balance explosions with humour, and there were several occasions where the whole cinema audience was laughing away. This was mainly due to the amazing Alan Tudyk, who for some reason is one of the most likable actors of all time. Honestly, this guy could kick down my front door, punch me in the face and set fire to my cat but I'd still offer him a coffee and a chat. John Malkovich is in it too, playing LaBeoufs weirdo boss — the only problem is there's not enough Malkovich screen time.

The last thing to do is point out this films main weakness...It does action well, it does humour well, but it does love terribly and part of the reason for this is the frankly terrible acting from newcomer Rosie Huntington-Whitley. A woman clearly hired for her body and nothing else, not even her weird model face. I wouldn't normally be this scathing about someone but she really has to be seen to be believed, and even LaBeoufs natural talent/cockiness struggles whenever it shares screen time with her. My scrotum has more chance of winning a best actress Oscar than this woman does. If she somehow gets another job in a film that requires some real acting skill and you end up thinking about watching it, I'd advise you to stay home and stare at a door.

I realise that I haven't exactly painted a positive picture, but it's pretty much what I both wanted and expected from this movie. I do wish they'd continued as well as they'd started with all the Apollo 11 stuff, but to be honest even I suffer from writing a tiny amount of okay content followed by absolute bollocks.

In summary Transformers: Dark of the Moon is pretty much what seeing film in 3D on a big screen is all about. Don't go expecting the King's Speech with giant killer alien robots. Allow your brain to power down and you'll be fine. It earns an action movie 6/10.