That's a Wrap!

At the beginning of last year I joined the 250 in 2011 challenge. My task; to watch 250 movies I had not previously seen before the end of the year. On December 22nd 2011 at roughly 10pm I completed my challenge. I'm not entirely sure I can say I'm proud to have completed it, but I'm not exactly ashamed either. It's a geeky achievement that I've only really been able to achieve with flexibility of my work, a fitting farewell to the reality of a career in music before I move onwards and upwards in 2012. 

The Bad

The hardest part of the challenge wasn't the sheer volume of films as I expected, but rather the amount of absolute crap I've had to wade through. Really, I've seen some terrible movies this year in an attempt to finish what I'd started. The worst film from my list of 250 has to be Gentlemen Broncos. It was so bad I believe I should be given some kind of award for making it through to the end of the film. 

Notice I said worst film from my list, though? There's one film I started this year that was so bad I couldn't even make it to the halfway point. Sucker Punch is quite possibly the worst film I've ever even tried to watch, and I own a copy of Freddy got Fingered. It couldn't be more obvious that Sucker Punch, a film set in the imagination of a teenage girl, actually comes from the imagination of of a 40 something male. If this is the direction Zack Snyder's movies are headed, we can expect the upcoming Man of Steel to contain scenes where Superman uses his X-Ray vision a little too much while rescuing a school bus.

Director Uwe Boll also gets a special mention in the absolute shit section. Everything this man touches seems to be dreadful. Why would anybody finance a project to which this man is attached? He seems intent on ruining video game franchises too! If he ever teams up with Zack Snyder it could bring about the end of days.

The Good

The Kings Speech is my highest rated film of 2011, but I think my favourite has to be Chaplin. I realise I'm now raving about this film an entire decade too late, but I urge anyone who hasn't yet seen it to hunt down a copy and just enjoy. This is perhaps Robert Downey Jr's performance of a lifetime and that alone makes it worth watching. 

Although not on the list, being film number 255, I really enjoyed Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. In my humble opinion, I've found this series of films to actually improve with each sequel. Another post-challenge film I hugely enjoyed was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which aside from a really pretentious and somewhat wanky Bondesque title sequence, was one of the best movies I've seen full stop, let alone this year.

The Cinema

Over the course of my challenge I've seen a few films in 3D, and whilst some of them are really pretty, I have to say I'm not really that fussed about it all. Is having stuff pop out of the screen really the future? I'm not convinced. That and I don't like having to put 3D glasses on over my normal specs. 

I have made good use of Orange Wednesdays and my Odeon points card has especially proved its worth. It's not cheap going to the cinema, and I don't really mind paying to see a decent film on the big screen, but bugger me the food's expensive! I'd like to see lower prices and healthy options in cinemas or at least be given the opportunity to take in my own snacks.

Home Viewing

Undoubtedly my preferred viewing method has to be from the comfort of my own home. Much of my challenge has been completed with the movie on the TV while I write lesson plans, tidy up, cook dinner or just stare blankly at the screen from under my duvet. 

My Lovefilm subscription has been invaluable this year, and I'd say a large majority of the films on my list came from the online service via Playstation 3 and in the last few months the iPad. The films available for online viewing can be a little hit and miss at times, but as with most areas of the service I've noticed big improvements over the past 12 months.

For ten pounds a month you get two DVD or BluRay discs at a time and unlimited viewing of the online service online, on PS3, X-Box or iPad. The discs are always sent out quickly and any queries or problems seem to be dealt with swiftly. I was a little dubious about subscribing to such a service initially, but I'm seriously impressed by Lovefilm and would thoroughly recommend them.

In Summary

I must admit, there have been a few moments where I've stopped and thought 'Fuuuuuuck, I'm wasting my life watching crap movies'. This is especially true when you consider that with the movies I've watched since I finished the challenge and all the films I'd already seen that I ended up watching again over the last year, I actually watched closer to 350 films in 2011. I suppose the upside of this is, I'd make a pretty good teammate in a pub quiz with a movie round. I definitely have no plans to do another challenge such as this one, and I'm very much looking forward to only watching decent films in 2012 and having more time to just sit and read.

I started this film challenge for two reasons really, the first of which was to give me something to write about on my blog and just get me writing more in general, which I've done and as you know now write for the Digital Fix where I talk about TV. The second, and most important was to give me something to focus on whilst I quit smoking. Here we are a whole year later and I'm still cigarette free and blooming proud. That's got be worth wasting a few days watching films. 

Now, if only I could find something to help with this bloody movie addiction...

Top Ten TV Robots - The Digital Fix published 19/08/2011

As a young boy, there was very little that I thought was better than an awesome robot. And now I'm a grown man with a job and a car and serious commitments? Well...I still think there's little better than an awesome robot.

After some extensive research, I can confidently say that there are some pretty damn awesome robots on TV. Narrowing it down to ten was difficult — it involved many strenuous hours of watching TV. But I put in all this hard work so you don't have to. Your welcome.

10: Alpha 5 — Power RangersBet you didn’t see this one coming! Back in the 90’s Alpha 5 would spend his day’s in a blind robotic panic shouting “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi” while a bunch of teenagers in crash helmets and lycra beat people up.

Alpha lives with his big headed boss (and possibly lover) Zordon in a command centre where he makes works as a technician and arms dealer for the power rangers. There’s a childlike innocence about Alpha and while he may not be the coolest TV robot ever he gets extra points for making C3P0 look butch. 



9: Sheriff Andy — A Town Called EurekaPossibly the most human-like robot on our list Andy is here because he’s just lovely. 

I couldn't decide which of the Eureka robots to put on this list. The one that flies around GD putting out cigarettes by squirting water on them almost won out, but in the end it had to be Andy. He's just such a nice guy. Robot. Machine. Thing. 

Loyal, hardworking, incredibly intelligent (he is a computer) and with a charming smile that makes my girlfriend's knees go weak, he's the kind of nice guy you'd want your sister to marry so you could have a sneaky pint with him whilst she goes shopping. But what makes Andy cool in my book though is the fact he is obviously a fan of the fuller figured woman, with his romantic interest being...a house. I kid you not.

8: Twiki — Buck Rogers in the 25th CenturyThink robot and you’ll no doubt think of Peter Crouch, think robot sounds and you’ll no doubt think ‘Bidi-Bidi-Bidi’ and that’s all thanks to Twiki. 

Twiki is cool on several levels firstly being voiced by Mel Blanc who is, of course, the voice behind so many classic cartoon characters. Second is the fact that Buck Rogers is heavily influenced by Star Wars and there are definitely some R2/3P0 parallels to be made between Twiki and his chest-hugging companion Dr. Theopolis.

The main reason Twiki makes the list though is because this pint-sized robot is a feisty little bugger. Classic quotes include “Eat lead, sucker!” and “You ever had TWO broken arms, buster?”

7: The Robot – Lost In SpaceWarning! Known formally as a (deep breath) ‘Class M-3 Model B9, General Utility Non-Theorising Environmental Control Robot’ we’ll call it ‘The Robot’ for short.

It has classic 1950’s B movie looks, a good old fashioned monotone voice to warn Will Robinson of danger and a plethora of good old-fashioned robo-skills which included scanners for sensing danger, robotic strength and an array of fantastic weaponry. Quite handily it could also produce exact duplicates of small objects, meaning you’d hardly ever have to pop out to the shop again. If that’s not enough for you it even plays the guitar! 

If only he’d been able to send email he could have saved the Robinisons so much trouble, and the world from the 1998 movie remake.


6: K9 — Doctor WhoMan's best friend is a dog. Geek's best friend is a robot. K9 is the perfect companion!

K-9 may not be cute and fluffy and he may prefer a nice game of chess to fetching a stick but he does have computer intelligence, the ability to speak, a laser in his nose and he’s very unlikely to be afraid of the vacuum cleaner (although he may try to hump it).



5: Optimus Prime — TransformersAs a child of the 80’s robots didn’t get much cooler than robots that could disguise themselves as everyday vehicles (if after that sentence Go-Bots popped into your mind please hang your head in shame and leave the room).

I’m of course talking about transformers and as we all know when it comes to Transformers Optimus Prime is the mac daddy. 

You might be fooled into thinking that Prime isn’t the best Transformer because he turns into a truck rather than a fighter jet, sports car or a massive 80’s boom box but you’d be wrong.

Prime is cool because he’s the ultimate good guy. He’s a pacifist at heart and is just striving for peace, kinda like a giant robotic Ghandi only not as shiny and with a sword and Ion blaster...


4: Lieutenant Commander Data — Star Trek: The Next GenerationWhat list of robots would be complete without your one of a kind sentient 24th century android with a desire to become more human. 

Data started his TV life with a straight-laced childlike naivety, by the time The Next Generation came to an end he had emotions, made bad jokes, experienced love and even sacrificed himself to save the crew.

Data is what most robots can only dream of becoming, well if robots could could dream. He’s played poker with Stephen Hawking, writes poetry, plays the violin and oboe, has a cat called spot and even has a fully functioning wang. 

3: Cameron - Terminator: The Sarah Connor ChroniclesHer Robo-skills include infiltrating the human race, killing and being irresistible. 

Do I really need to say anything more about this robot? You want one don’t you! 

Every geek wishes they had their very own robot and if you got to choose the design then there’s a very good chance said robot will look like Cameron. Obviously that’s just because she’d be slightly more discreet and easier to store than something that looked like Arnie you understand. Ahem.









2: Bender Bending Rodriguez - FuturamaBender is perhaps the most versatile robot on our list as his talents don’t stop at bending, oh no. He can be a water boiler, vacuum, projector, card shuffler, fridge, popcorn maker, flame thrower and yes even a toilet. 

Bender is the robot that would have Asimov turning in his grave. He’s thief, a liar and an insensitive, selfish, chain-smoking, gambling alcoholic. In fact he’s just about everything a robot shouldn’t be but he does it all with a ‘loveable rogue’ quality that prevents him from being a complete robo-shit. This is why Bender is one of the coolest robots not only on TV but of all time.



1: Kryten – Red DwarfNumber one TV robot of all time, as voted for by me without so much as consulting you because you’re bound to be wrong, is…… Kryten. 

Imagine C3P0 had grown a pair, but then that pair had shrunk slightly and Kryten is what you’re left with. He’s everything you could want from a robot – He’ll do your washing, hoover your house with his groin and cook dinner too. 

There’s no denying Kryten looks like an action figure that’s been chewed by a bulldog and then left on the rug after a six hour trip through it’s digestive system but that’s what every geek wants! What’s the point in having a robot that looks human? We want angles and a built in TV screen.

Kryten is defective, he’s bad tempered, neurotic and needy, but instead of giving him the Pinocchio complex some of our other robots suffer with this only serves to give him personality. 
Basically he’ll be your favourite gadget, your best friend and he’ll iron your underpants.

Happy Star Wars Day

That's right it's May the 4th and to help it be with you I thought I'd share some Star Wars related photos I've taken. So whether you're Jedi, Sith, or just normal rebel scum enjoy.

Sick Son of a Bitch

That's me. I am one sick son of a bitch. No, I don't break into old folks homes or kick kittens, I'm sick because I have an illness.

What I have is called Ulcerative Colitis. Medically that means I get ulcers in my colon but in reality it means a whole lot more. There's all sorts of fancy terms and nice complex ways of describing what happens but I'm going put it into very simple terms. Only the few people I'm close to know about this, it's seen as embarrassing mostly, and here I am sharing it with the whole world. Let me warn the squeamish to look away now.

Basically the main problem with having colitis is that you almost shit yourself inside out, the ulcers in your colon cause blood and mucus in your stool and at times you'll need to go to the bathroom just to bleed. Imagine the worse case of diarrhea you've ever had and then imagine that could occur at any time. All of a sudden you need the bathroom and you have maybe seven seconds to get there.

Oh, and don't forget the stomach pain. It's not even the stomach as such, it's all the painful ulcers inside your colon and there's nothing you can do to ease the pain. At my worst I lost over four stone in weight, and so much blood I was anemic and hours away from a blood transfusion.

Now that's what the lucky people get, that's the normal part of having an illness such as colitis. The worse part for me is the rather more rare side effect of arthritis. This can occur anywhere in my body at any given time. Since it all started over four years ago I've had the arthritis in my jaw, neck, shoulders, wrists, fingers, hips, knees, ankles and toes. At it's worst I've been stuck on the toilet for hours because both parts of my colitis have seen fit to be in play at the same time and I've been unable to move. I've been unable to talk or eat when it's been in my jaw, unable to raise my arms above my head as my shoulders wouldn't allow it, unable to play my instruments or at times even hold a fork or spoon to eat. It's also been in my spine, which just leaves me unable to do pretty much anything. It's not been nice at all.

I hate it when it's in my legs. About three years ago the arthritis set into my right ankle and caused it to swell. I coped the best I could but eventually collapsed and was rushed to A&E. I told the doctors why it was happening but they insisted it was unusual for colitis to cause it that badly and proceeded to stab a giant needle into my swollen ankle to try and drain any fluid. Needless to say, that didn't work and it really fucking hurt too.

They eventually put my leg in plaster so that I didn't use it, but being as my shoulders get bad too they  wanted to give me a zimmer frame to get around on. At this point in my early 20's there was no way I was letting that happen so I struggled around on crutches for the next six weeks. Everyone assumed it was a broken leg or some kind of accident and for most people I let them believe this because I got sick of having to explain why my leg was in plaster due to my colon.

Even now when it gets too bad in my legs I need help to walk, and I hate it. I hate being 26 years old and having to use a walking stick, and I hate the way everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of mutant when I do. I used to run for miles before this all happened and now I sometimes need to rest when I'm out shopping!

I spent two years on steroids and put on a shit load of weight due to this fact too. Coming off the steroids was a long process and one in which I got very ill every time the dose got too low. Eventually I was put onto some new medication which, for the large part, sorts my stomach out and allows me to live a mostly normal life in regards to eating and not bleeding to death via my arse.

It goes some way to helping the arthritis too, but not enough really. At times I still find it hard to do things and cope with the pain. I still need my stick sometimes, but it is now a cool stick at least. It's the same stick Hugh Laurie uses in the show House, and is black with flames coming up from the bottom. I, uh, may have been sad enough to have it specially shipped over from the States...

I've been on the immunosuppressants for over a year now and they do help so much, but they can leave me feeling really washed out. I had major problems when I first went on them as for weeks I couldn't eat without being in so much pain that it used to cause me to pass out.

Anyway, so where is all of this going? Well the point is, on my medication I have to have lots of blood tests which is a pain, but beats being ill and it's not like I have a fear of needles or anything. I do have an irrational...I say fear, but it's not as such. It's more of a pathological dislike of...penguins. Don't ask why because I really don't know.

But in the pathology department where I get my blood tests done there is a giant poster of penguins on the wall! I'm sure the nurses think I'm scared of needles, but it's that bloody poster. It freaks me out every single time and I can't bring myself to say anything. With everything I've been through I deserve a break, surely? Why is fate so cruel?

My 2011 Film Challenge

I'm taking part in the film challenge 2011 where I shall be attempting to watch 250 movies I haven't seen before over the next year.

There are a few thing's you should know about me to explain why I am doing this challenge:

1. On January 15th I gave up smoking, a 20 a day habit I've had on and off since the age of 13. I'm doing it with help from the NHS, nicotine patches and the support of my wonderful girlfriend but still, it's bloody hard and I'm only on day four. Hopefully watching lot's of films will help distract me from the cravings and the challenge will give me something to focus on.

2. My job title is professional musician and freelance tutor. In real terms this means I have lots of free time when 

either I'm between gigging jobs, working unsociable hours so I'm on my own when everyone else is out at work or I'm doing lesson plans and general teacher preparation stuff that can be done whilst watching a movie.

3. I'm a total TV, movie and games geek whose house looks like the inside of a Planet Hollywood restaurant crossed with Blockbuster Video due to the autographs lining the walls, props, replicas and somewhere around 700 DVDs (See exhibits A through D, and please try not to judge me) 

I will be using mainly LoveFilm.com thanks to @digitalshades for the recommendation and the voucher ,,and hopefully I'll rack up a few points on my Odeon card by the end of the year too. I'm also pretty sure that my girlfriend Amy will be sitting me in front of the many musicals and black & white chick flicks that I've managed to avoid for the past 26 years, which I'm sure will be fun.

So, to set my rules straight: 250 films I have not previously seen between 01/01/11 and 31/12/11. I will not count movies I have seen before, boxsets of TV shows or movies where I fall asleep whilst watching. I am allowed to skip the end credits