It's been almost a year and a half since I last posted anything on this blog, and all I can say in my defence is I've been a little busy.
I changed career this time last year. I'm now working in mental health and living in North London and, by and large, it's the best thing I ever did.
It's dawned on me recently that now I'm very much settled with my new job and lovely little flat I should probably make more of an effort to make the most out of life. I mean, coming home from work and sitting in my pants playing video games is great, but I'm fast approaching 30 and I should try to limit that to five or six nights a week, tops.
That's why, with more than a little inspiration from Sarah Chong, I've come up with a life (or, if you prefer, bucket) list. The list will hopefully contract and expand as I get out a little bit more to tick things off and add a few bits and bobs along the way. With a bit of luck it'll inspire me to come and write something on here a little more often too.
Monday, 10 June 2013
Monday, 2 January 2012
Recipe - Beef Enchiladas with Sweet Potato Chips
Now that we're into January it's probably time to stop grazing on the leftovers of that implausibly large turkey and the remnants of the multiple tins of Quality Streets you've gorged on for the last fortnight. Just me? This is a delightfully simple recipe to make a full meal to serve four people, or two quite greedy people.
Sweet Potato Chips
4 sweet potatoes
2 tsp paprika
3 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp soft brown sugar
1 tbsp olive oil]
Sea salt to season
Peel and chop your sweet potatoes and boil them until they begin to soften. While your potatoes are on the hob mix together the paprika, garlic powder, oregano, black pepper and brown sugar.
Once the potatoes have softened to your liking drain and place in a bowl, drizzle on the olive oil then mix and season with sea salt. Add two tablespoons of the spice you prepared and mix well ensuring an even covering and then set to one side.
Beef Enchiladas
750g minced beef
1 garlic clove, crushed
1 onion, chopped
3 tbsp tomato puree
400g can chopped tomatoes
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 red chilli, chopped
4 soft tortillas
60g grated Cheddar
First preheat your oven to 180 then fry your minced beef in the pan without oil, once it starts to brown add in your chopped onion. Once the beef and onions have fully browned add the garlic and fry for a further minute or so.
Now add half of your chilli (this can be left out entirely if you're not into spicy food), also add the tomatoes, puree, oregano and cumin. Bring this to the boil, then simmer for 10 minutes or so, until it starts to thicken slightly.
Once ready, spoon quarter of the mince mixture into the centre of each tortilla.
Fold the tortillas and place them in a baking dish. Sprinkle the grated Cheddar and the remaining half of your chilli evenly over the top of the tortillas.
In true Blue Peter style, remember the sweet potato chips you prepared earlier? Well, pop them on a baking tray and place both the chips and enchiladas in the oven for between 10 and 15 minutes. Serve with rice or a side salad and enjoy.
Sweet Potato Chips
4 sweet potatoes
2 tsp paprika
3 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp soft brown sugar
1 tbsp olive oil]
Sea salt to season
Peel and chop your sweet potatoes and boil them until they begin to soften. While your potatoes are on the hob mix together the paprika, garlic powder, oregano, black pepper and brown sugar.
Once the potatoes have softened to your liking drain and place in a bowl, drizzle on the olive oil then mix and season with sea salt. Add two tablespoons of the spice you prepared and mix well ensuring an even covering and then set to one side.
Beef Enchiladas
750g minced beef
1 garlic clove, crushed
1 onion, chopped
3 tbsp tomato puree
400g can chopped tomatoes
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 red chilli, chopped
4 soft tortillas
60g grated Cheddar
First preheat your oven to 180 then fry your minced beef in the pan without oil, once it starts to brown add in your chopped onion. Once the beef and onions have fully browned add the garlic and fry for a further minute or so.
Now add half of your chilli (this can be left out entirely if you're not into spicy food), also add the tomatoes, puree, oregano and cumin. Bring this to the boil, then simmer for 10 minutes or so, until it starts to thicken slightly.
Once ready, spoon quarter of the mince mixture into the centre of each tortilla.
Fold the tortillas and place them in a baking dish. Sprinkle the grated Cheddar and the remaining half of your chilli evenly over the top of the tortillas.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
That's a Wrap!
At the beginning of last year I joined the 250 in 2011 challenge. My task; to watch 250 movies I had not previously seen before the end of the year. On December 22nd 2011 at roughly 10pm I completed my challenge. I'm not entirely sure I can say I'm proud to have completed it, but I'm not exactly ashamed either. It's a geeky achievement that I've only really been able to achieve with flexibility of my work, a fitting farewell to the reality of a career in music before I move onwards and upwards in 2012.
The Bad
The hardest part of the challenge wasn't the sheer volume of films as I expected, but rather the amount of absolute crap I've had to wade through. Really, I've seen some terrible movies this year in an attempt to finish what I'd started. The worst film from my list of 250 has to be Gentlemen Broncos. It was so bad I believe I should be given some kind of award for making it through to the end of the film.
Notice I said worst film from my list, though? There's one film I started this year that was so bad I couldn't even make it to the halfway point. Sucker Punch is quite possibly the worst film I've ever even tried to watch, and I own a copy of Freddy got Fingered. It couldn't be more obvious that Sucker Punch, a film set in the imagination of a teenage girl, actually comes from the imagination of of a 40 something male. If this is the direction Zack Snyder's movies are headed, we can expect the upcoming Man of Steel to contain scenes where Superman uses his X-Ray vision a little too much while rescuing a school bus.
Director Uwe Boll also gets a special mention in the absolute shit section. Everything this man touches seems to be dreadful. Why would anybody finance a project to which this man is attached? He seems intent on ruining video game franchises too! If he ever teams up with Zack Snyder it could bring about the end of days.
The Good
The Kings Speech is my highest rated film of 2011, but I think my favourite has to be Chaplin. I realise I'm now raving about this film an entire decade too late, but I urge anyone who hasn't yet seen it to hunt down a copy and just enjoy. This is perhaps Robert Downey Jr's performance of a lifetime and that alone makes it worth watching.
Although not on the list, being film number 255, I really enjoyed Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. In my humble opinion, I've found this series of films to actually improve with each sequel. Another post-challenge film I hugely enjoyed was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which aside from a really pretentious and somewhat wanky Bondesque title sequence, was one of the best movies I've seen full stop, let alone this year.
The Cinema
Over the course of my challenge I've seen a few films in 3D, and whilst some of them are really pretty, I have to say I'm not really that fussed about it all. Is having stuff pop out of the screen really the future? I'm not convinced. That and I don't like having to put 3D glasses on over my normal specs.
I have made good use of Orange Wednesdays and my Odeon points card has especially proved its worth. It's not cheap going to the cinema, and I don't really mind paying to see a decent film on the big screen, but bugger me the food's expensive! I'd like to see lower prices and healthy options in cinemas or at least be given the opportunity to take in my own snacks.
Home Viewing
Undoubtedly my preferred viewing method has to be from the comfort of my own home. Much of my challenge has been completed with the movie on the TV while I write lesson plans, tidy up, cook dinner or just stare blankly at the screen from under my duvet.
My Lovefilm subscription has been invaluable this year, and I'd say a large majority of the films on my list came from the online service via Playstation 3 and in the last few months the iPad. The films available for online viewing can be a little hit and miss at times, but as with most areas of the service I've noticed big improvements over the past 12 months.
For ten pounds a month you get two DVD or BluRay discs at a time and unlimited viewing of the online service online, on PS3, X-Box or iPad. The discs are always sent out quickly and any queries or problems seem to be dealt with swiftly. I was a little dubious about subscribing to such a service initially, but I'm seriously impressed by Lovefilm and would thoroughly recommend them.
In Summary
I must admit, there have been a few moments where I've stopped and thought 'Fuuuuuuck, I'm wasting my life watching crap movies'. This is especially true when you consider that with the movies I've watched since I finished the challenge and all the films I'd already seen that I ended up watching again over the last year, I actually watched closer to 350 films in 2011. I suppose the upside of this is, I'd make a pretty good teammate in a pub quiz with a movie round. I definitely have no plans to do another challenge such as this one, and I'm very much looking forward to only watching decent films in 2012 and having more time to just sit and read.
I started this film challenge for two reasons really, the first of which was to give me something to write about on my blog and just get me writing more in general, which I've done and as you know now write for the Digital Fix where I talk about TV. The second, and most important was to give me something to focus on whilst I quit smoking. Here we are a whole year later and I'm still cigarette free and blooming proud. That's got be worth wasting a few days watching films.
Now, if only I could find something to help with this bloody movie addiction...
Monday, 5 December 2011
We Recommend Copycats - The Digital Fix 22/11/2011
If you haven’t heard of Copycats, chances are you’re a grown up with a job, a social life and better things to do at four in the afternoon on a Tuesday.
That’s right, I said four o’clock, that long-since forgotten TV timeslot you once used to look forward to all day at school. Whilst it now means nothing more than there being only one more hour of staring at a monitor, pretending to be working as hard as you should be, for kids it's still that glorious time in the day that you get to throw down your school bag and watch some mindless TV.
"Copycats is a kids show then?" I hear you ask. Whilst the answer is technically yes, I’m here to tell you why it’s so much more.
Copycats is a family game show where teams of six family members and friends, both children and adults, battle it out to win the (knocked up by the BBC props department in a hurry) Copycats trophy. Each show contains various physical rounds that vary from week to week, sandwiched in between three rounds of what are basically Chinese whispers.
The physical rounds are what you’d expect from a family game show; blindfolded shopping trolley basketball, running up a conveyer belt with an inflatable fish whilst wearing flippers, driving a motorised toilet to a pile of loo rolls before placing it on your spiked helmet etc. Whilst it’s obvious most of the physical rounds could only have been devised by a mind that’s been on one-too-many acid trips, there is the occasional and wonderfully simple team tilt maze. Watching kids and adults trying to coordinate with each other to get that ball around a maze offers the cheap kind of tension TV has lacked since the Crystal Maze, and all without having to resort to watching Phillip Schofield lock someone in a Perspex box.
The jewels in this shows crown are the Chinese whispers rounds the first of which is Mime Time. All six contestants stand in a line, separated by sliding cubicle doors. The first contestant is shown a card telling them what action they must mime, for instance sunbathing, fishing, dancing. The mime is then passed down the line, and more often than not hilarity ensues. My first introduction to this show was turning on my TV halfway though this round, only to be greeted by a grown man thrusting his groin at a small child who appeared frozen to the spot with puzzlement and fear. That was more or less my reaction too, but once the round had ended and all was put into context I was quickly convinced a phone call to social services wouldn’t be necessary.
The music round follows the same format but now each contestant has a kazoo on which they must perform a popular song based only on it’s performance from the person before them. Rest assured one of the poor blighters will fail get a single note out of the kazoo, an instrument played by simply humming into it, and the whole round will be a complete disaster.
My favourite round is usually Quick on the Draw, essentially Pictionary crossed with Chinese whispers. The person first in line will have to draw, say, a link of sausages, and the next person just has to copy. Once again, much to the amusement of the viewer, person number one can’t draw to save their life. His doodle looks nothing like a link of sausages, but you know what it does look like and that is not something that's exactly appropriate for 4pm on a Tuesday.
Fortunately you’re not alone. Presenters of the show Sam and Mark, once of Pop Idol fame, know exactly what the drawing looks like too. You can tell by the fact they’re pissing themselves laughing and giving a knowing glance to camera as two or three generations of the same family help the drawing evolve into what are clearly anal beads. Sam and Mark are fantastic with the kids but are clearly aware at least two rounds regularly become complete smut, but in that tongue in cheek yet somehow blissfully innocent way that we Brits do so well.
Copycats is as good a game show as anything Auntie Beeb has given a Saturday night slot to in recent years, and as clichéd as it sounds Copycats does offer something for the whole family. Kids will laugh at the rubbish drawings and music, parents will laugh at the innuendo, Aunt Irene will drool over the idea of a Sam and Mark (or SMark) sandwich, and grandma will be glad of the company and the chance to yell “He’s drawing anal beads’ at the television.
That’s right, I said four o’clock, that long-since forgotten TV timeslot you once used to look forward to all day at school. Whilst it now means nothing more than there being only one more hour of staring at a monitor, pretending to be working as hard as you should be, for kids it's still that glorious time in the day that you get to throw down your school bag and watch some mindless TV.
"Copycats is a kids show then?" I hear you ask. Whilst the answer is technically yes, I’m here to tell you why it’s so much more.
Copycats is a family game show where teams of six family members and friends, both children and adults, battle it out to win the (knocked up by the BBC props department in a hurry) Copycats trophy. Each show contains various physical rounds that vary from week to week, sandwiched in between three rounds of what are basically Chinese whispers.
The physical rounds are what you’d expect from a family game show; blindfolded shopping trolley basketball, running up a conveyer belt with an inflatable fish whilst wearing flippers, driving a motorised toilet to a pile of loo rolls before placing it on your spiked helmet etc. Whilst it’s obvious most of the physical rounds could only have been devised by a mind that’s been on one-too-many acid trips, there is the occasional and wonderfully simple team tilt maze. Watching kids and adults trying to coordinate with each other to get that ball around a maze offers the cheap kind of tension TV has lacked since the Crystal Maze, and all without having to resort to watching Phillip Schofield lock someone in a Perspex box.
The jewels in this shows crown are the Chinese whispers rounds the first of which is Mime Time. All six contestants stand in a line, separated by sliding cubicle doors. The first contestant is shown a card telling them what action they must mime, for instance sunbathing, fishing, dancing. The mime is then passed down the line, and more often than not hilarity ensues. My first introduction to this show was turning on my TV halfway though this round, only to be greeted by a grown man thrusting his groin at a small child who appeared frozen to the spot with puzzlement and fear. That was more or less my reaction too, but once the round had ended and all was put into context I was quickly convinced a phone call to social services wouldn’t be necessary.
The music round follows the same format but now each contestant has a kazoo on which they must perform a popular song based only on it’s performance from the person before them. Rest assured one of the poor blighters will fail get a single note out of the kazoo, an instrument played by simply humming into it, and the whole round will be a complete disaster.
My favourite round is usually Quick on the Draw, essentially Pictionary crossed with Chinese whispers. The person first in line will have to draw, say, a link of sausages, and the next person just has to copy. Once again, much to the amusement of the viewer, person number one can’t draw to save their life. His doodle looks nothing like a link of sausages, but you know what it does look like and that is not something that's exactly appropriate for 4pm on a Tuesday.
Fortunately you’re not alone. Presenters of the show Sam and Mark, once of Pop Idol fame, know exactly what the drawing looks like too. You can tell by the fact they’re pissing themselves laughing and giving a knowing glance to camera as two or three generations of the same family help the drawing evolve into what are clearly anal beads. Sam and Mark are fantastic with the kids but are clearly aware at least two rounds regularly become complete smut, but in that tongue in cheek yet somehow blissfully innocent way that we Brits do so well.
Copycats is as good a game show as anything Auntie Beeb has given a Saturday night slot to in recent years, and as clichéd as it sounds Copycats does offer something for the whole family. Kids will laugh at the rubbish drawings and music, parents will laugh at the innuendo, Aunt Irene will drool over the idea of a Sam and Mark (or SMark) sandwich, and grandma will be glad of the company and the chance to yell “He’s drawing anal beads’ at the television.
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Recipe - Whoopie Pies
As you may or may not be aware, my girlfriend just happens to have a food blog (www.shecookssheeats.co.uk). This of course means not only do I get to eat lots fantastic food, but it's usually all cooked for me too. What people don't know is I'm not actually that bad in the kitchen myself. Not only am I a washer upper extraordinaire and an excellent coffee & tea boy but I can cook and, dare I say it, even bake.
I've been baking this week and it turned out so well I thought I'd share a recipe with you all for the best Whoopie Pies you're ever likely to try. It's based on a Simon Rimmer recipe but I've adapted it slightly to make it even more tasty.
Ingredients
125g butter
150g Chocolate, at least 70% cocoa solids (recommend Green & Blacks)
225g sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
250g flour
30g cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
For buttercream icing
125g butter, softened
260g icing sugar
3-4 tbsp milk
First of all I'd recommend having three separate mixing bowls ready before you start or you'll end up running around and having to wash up whilst cooking. Once you're all prepared, preheat your oven to 180C and line a baking tray with greaseproof paper.
Break your chocolate into squares and place it in a bowl, along with your butter, over a pan of boiling water, making sure the base of the bowl doesn't touch the surface of the water.
While your chocolate and butter is melting whisk the sugar, eggs and vanilla extract in another bowl. Make sure you keep an eye on the chocolate so it doesn't burn.
Once your chocolate and butter are melted fold into the egg mix a little at a time.
With a sieve, sift together the flour, cocoa and baking powder and then fold this, again a little at a time, into the chocolate mixture. It should thicken quite quickly at this point so just keep folding until you have a sticky brown mix.
Using a tablespoon place the mixture onto your baking tray, making sure not to put them too close together or they will become one giant chocolate mess as they bake. Put them in the oven for 7-9 minutes depending on their size. At this point you may wish to take some time out to lick your bowl.
While your pies are in the oven prepare your buttercream by beating the remains of your stick of butter in a bowl with half of your icing sugar. I find using a large metal spoon works best as the mixture tends to stick to wood. Once your mixture starts to become smooth add the remaining icing sugar and your milk until you achieve your desired consistency.
Once your pies are cooked place them on a wire rack to cool before spreading them with the buttercream and sticking them together.
Once you've sandwiched them together you should end up with a whoopie pie that looks something like this.
This recipe should realistically make twelve or thirteen pies of a medium to large size, all you have to do is try not to eat them all yourself.
I've been baking this week and it turned out so well I thought I'd share a recipe with you all for the best Whoopie Pies you're ever likely to try. It's based on a Simon Rimmer recipe but I've adapted it slightly to make it even more tasty.
Ingredients
125g butter
150g Chocolate, at least 70% cocoa solids (recommend Green & Blacks)
225g sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
250g flour
30g cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
For buttercream icing
125g butter, softened
260g icing sugar
3-4 tbsp milk
First of all I'd recommend having three separate mixing bowls ready before you start or you'll end up running around and having to wash up whilst cooking. Once you're all prepared, preheat your oven to 180C and line a baking tray with greaseproof paper.
Break your chocolate into squares and place it in a bowl, along with your butter, over a pan of boiling water, making sure the base of the bowl doesn't touch the surface of the water.
While your chocolate and butter is melting whisk the sugar, eggs and vanilla extract in another bowl. Make sure you keep an eye on the chocolate so it doesn't burn.
Once your chocolate and butter are melted fold into the egg mix a little at a time.
With a sieve, sift together the flour, cocoa and baking powder and then fold this, again a little at a time, into the chocolate mixture. It should thicken quite quickly at this point so just keep folding until you have a sticky brown mix.
Using a tablespoon place the mixture onto your baking tray, making sure not to put them too close together or they will become one giant chocolate mess as they bake. Put them in the oven for 7-9 minutes depending on their size. At this point you may wish to take some time out to lick your bowl.
While your pies are in the oven prepare your buttercream by beating the remains of your stick of butter in a bowl with half of your icing sugar. I find using a large metal spoon works best as the mixture tends to stick to wood. Once your mixture starts to become smooth add the remaining icing sugar and your milk until you achieve your desired consistency.
Once your pies are cooked place them on a wire rack to cool before spreading them with the buttercream and sticking them together.
Once you've sandwiched them together you should end up with a whoopie pie that looks something like this.
This recipe should realistically make twelve or thirteen pies of a medium to large size, all you have to do is try not to eat them all yourself.
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
We Recommend The Young Apprentice - The Digital Fix - published 25/10/2011
If you missed the opening credits you could be forgiven the BBC were showing a Panorama special on upper middle class child exploitation, but in actual fact it's the the return of Young Apprentice, Lord Sugar's attempt to find an employee who'll work for less than minimum wage.
It's easy to see why the Junior version of the show isn't buried on the CBBC channel as the tasks are no easier just because the contestants are 16 and 17. In fact, aside from a few of the fresh-faced boys half of the candidates look and sound like they've visited Zoltar in an attempt to skip childhood and get ahead in business.
The good news for hardcore apprentice fans is the kids are just as annoying as their counterparts from the main show. Scarily they are still so young — just imagine how much of a knob they’ll be in the future.
The teams, Kinetic and Atomic (no prizes for guessing which is the boys and which is the girls), set upon their first task of the series, making and selling ice-cream. In true Apprentice form we saw tantrums, arguments and cock-ups aplenty along the way.
My theory is that the whole show tonight was all a big set up for when Lord Sugar quipped in the boardroom "Never mind Ben and Jerry, it's more like Tom and Jerry!". It's got everything, doesn't it — the ice cream reference, the dig at their childishness, teeth-grindingly awful wordplay...It could only have been more perfect if Nick had pulled a glacé cherry from his pocket and placed it gracefully on top of the joke, before dusting the whole thing with a generous sprinkle of hundreds and thousands.
Anyway. From what we saw of the potential apprentices tonight we should be in for an interesting and somewhat tempestuous few tasks. Of the candidates that stood out we have James, who is essentially Jim Jr., but instead of the gift of the gab he just spews a steady stream of crap, public school boys Harry H and Harry M who are so posh they'll probably end up firing Lord Sugar, Hayley who thinks she's bossy but I suspect we'll see in tears...a lot, super-bitch Gbemi who is going to step on everyone and enjoy it and Lewis the cheeky scouser.
The rest of the job hunting gaggle were all fairly generic aside from good old Mahamed who, along with his bling, was fired tonight after practically flinging himself into traffic to sell ice cream like some sort of extrovert dairy pusher and then claiming he had thought of everything. At one point I was sure he was going to claim he invented ice cream itself. Mahamed does win the award for the most supervillain-like exit from a TV show ever, for vowing that Lord Sugar would one day regret firing him whilst being driven away in the back of a Bentley stroking a cat and cackling maniacally.
We definitely recommend tuning into this if you get the chance, we know it's reality TV but it's the Harrods of the reality TV world. Nobody has to sing, and watching young people get fired before they even have the job is at least topical, right?
You can catch up on the first episode of Young Apprentice on iPlayer here.
It's easy to see why the Junior version of the show isn't buried on the CBBC channel as the tasks are no easier just because the contestants are 16 and 17. In fact, aside from a few of the fresh-faced boys half of the candidates look and sound like they've visited Zoltar in an attempt to skip childhood and get ahead in business.
The good news for hardcore apprentice fans is the kids are just as annoying as their counterparts from the main show. Scarily they are still so young — just imagine how much of a knob they’ll be in the future.
The teams, Kinetic and Atomic (no prizes for guessing which is the boys and which is the girls), set upon their first task of the series, making and selling ice-cream. In true Apprentice form we saw tantrums, arguments and cock-ups aplenty along the way.
My theory is that the whole show tonight was all a big set up for when Lord Sugar quipped in the boardroom "Never mind Ben and Jerry, it's more like Tom and Jerry!". It's got everything, doesn't it — the ice cream reference, the dig at their childishness, teeth-grindingly awful wordplay...It could only have been more perfect if Nick had pulled a glacé cherry from his pocket and placed it gracefully on top of the joke, before dusting the whole thing with a generous sprinkle of hundreds and thousands.
Anyway. From what we saw of the potential apprentices tonight we should be in for an interesting and somewhat tempestuous few tasks. Of the candidates that stood out we have James, who is essentially Jim Jr., but instead of the gift of the gab he just spews a steady stream of crap, public school boys Harry H and Harry M who are so posh they'll probably end up firing Lord Sugar, Hayley who thinks she's bossy but I suspect we'll see in tears...a lot, super-bitch Gbemi who is going to step on everyone and enjoy it and Lewis the cheeky scouser.
The rest of the job hunting gaggle were all fairly generic aside from good old Mahamed who, along with his bling, was fired tonight after practically flinging himself into traffic to sell ice cream like some sort of extrovert dairy pusher and then claiming he had thought of everything. At one point I was sure he was going to claim he invented ice cream itself. Mahamed does win the award for the most supervillain-like exit from a TV show ever, for vowing that Lord Sugar would one day regret firing him whilst being driven away in the back of a Bentley stroking a cat and cackling maniacally.
We definitely recommend tuning into this if you get the chance, we know it's reality TV but it's the Harrods of the reality TV world. Nobody has to sing, and watching young people get fired before they even have the job is at least topical, right?
You can catch up on the first episode of Young Apprentice on iPlayer here.
Top Ten TV Robots - The Digital Fix published 19/08/2011
As a young boy, there was very little that I thought was better than an awesome robot. And now I'm a grown man with a job and a car and serious commitments? Well...I still think there's little better than an awesome robot.
After some extensive research, I can confidently say that there are some pretty damn awesome robots on TV. Narrowing it down to ten was difficult — it involved many strenuous hours of watching TV. But I put in all this hard work so you don't have to. Your welcome.
10: Alpha 5 — Power Rangers
Bet you didn’t see this one coming! Back in the 90’s Alpha 5 would spend his day’s in a blind robotic panic shouting “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi” while a bunch of teenagers in crash helmets and lycra beat people up.
Alpha lives with his big headed boss (and possibly lover) Zordon in a command centre where he makes works as a technician and arms dealer for the power rangers. There’s a childlike innocence about Alpha and while he may not be the coolest TV robot ever he gets extra points for making C3P0 look butch.
9: Sheriff Andy — A Town Called Eureka
Possibly the most human-like robot on our list Andy is here because he’s just lovely.
I couldn't decide which of the Eureka robots to put on this list. The one that flies around GD putting out cigarettes by squirting water on them almost won out, but in the end it had to be Andy. He's just such a nice guy. Robot. Machine. Thing.
Loyal, hardworking, incredibly intelligent (he is a computer) and with a charming smile that makes my girlfriend's knees go weak, he's the kind of nice guy you'd want your sister to marry so you could have a sneaky pint with him whilst she goes shopping. But what makes Andy cool in my book though is the fact he is obviously a fan of the fuller figured woman, with his romantic interest being...a house. I kid you not.
8: Twiki — Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
Think robot and you’ll no doubt think of Peter Crouch, think robot sounds and you’ll no doubt think ‘Bidi-Bidi-Bidi’ and that’s all thanks to Twiki.
Twiki is cool on several levels firstly being voiced by Mel Blanc who is, of course, the voice behind so many classic cartoon characters. Second is the fact that Buck Rogers is heavily influenced by Star Wars and there are definitely some R2/3P0 parallels to be made between Twiki and his chest-hugging companion Dr. Theopolis.
The main reason Twiki makes the list though is because this pint-sized robot is a feisty little bugger. Classic quotes include “Eat lead, sucker!” and “You ever had TWO broken arms, buster?”
7: The Robot – Lost In Space
Warning! Known formally as a (deep breath) ‘Class M-3 Model B9, General Utility Non-Theorising Environmental Control Robot’ we’ll call it ‘The Robot’ for short.
It has classic 1950’s B movie looks, a good old fashioned monotone voice to warn Will Robinson of danger and a plethora of good old-fashioned robo-skills which included scanners for sensing danger, robotic strength and an array of fantastic weaponry. Quite handily it could also produce exact duplicates of small objects, meaning you’d hardly ever have to pop out to the shop again. If that’s not enough for you it even plays the guitar!
If only he’d been able to send email he could have saved the Robinisons so much trouble, and the world from the 1998 movie remake.
6: K9 — Doctor Who
Man's best friend is a dog. Geek's best friend is a robot. K9 is the perfect companion!
K-9 may not be cute and fluffy and he may prefer a nice game of chess to fetching a stick but he does have computer intelligence, the ability to speak, a laser in his nose and he’s very unlikely to be afraid of the vacuum cleaner (although he may try to hump it).
5: Optimus Prime — Transformers
As a child of the 80’s robots didn’t get much cooler than robots that could disguise themselves as everyday vehicles (if after that sentence Go-Bots popped into your mind please hang your head in shame and leave the room).
I’m of course talking about transformers and as we all know when it comes to Transformers Optimus Prime is the mac daddy.
You might be fooled into thinking that Prime isn’t the best Transformer because he turns into a truck rather than a fighter jet, sports car or a massive 80’s boom box but you’d be wrong.
Prime is cool because he’s the ultimate good guy. He’s a pacifist at heart and is just striving for peace, kinda like a giant robotic Ghandi only not as shiny and with a sword and Ion blaster...
4: Lieutenant Commander Data — Star Trek: The Next Generation
What list of robots would be complete without your one of a kind sentient 24th century android with a desire to become more human.
Data started his TV life with a straight-laced childlike naivety, by the time The Next Generation came to an end he had emotions, made bad jokes, experienced love and even sacrificed himself to save the crew.
Data is what most robots can only dream of becoming, well if robots could could dream. He’s played poker with Stephen Hawking, writes poetry, plays the violin and oboe, has a cat called spot and even has a fully functioning wang.
3: Cameron - Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Her Robo-skills include infiltrating the human race, killing and being irresistible.
Do I really need to say anything more about this robot? You want one don’t you!
Every geek wishes they had their very own robot and if you got to choose the design then there’s a very good chance said robot will look like Cameron. Obviously that’s just because she’d be slightly more discreet and easier to store than something that looked like Arnie you understand. Ahem.
2: Bender Bending Rodriguez - Futurama
Bender is perhaps the most versatile robot on our list as his talents don’t stop at bending, oh no. He can be a water boiler, vacuum, projector, card shuffler, fridge, popcorn maker, flame thrower and yes even a toilet.
Bender is the robot that would have Asimov turning in his grave. He’s thief, a liar and an insensitive, selfish, chain-smoking, gambling alcoholic. In fact he’s just about everything a robot shouldn’t be but he does it all with a ‘loveable rogue’ quality that prevents him from being a complete robo-shit. This is why Bender is one of the coolest robots not only on TV but of all time.
1: Kryten – Red Dwarf
Number one TV robot of all time, as voted for by me without so much as consulting you because you’re bound to be wrong, is…… Kryten.
Imagine C3P0 had grown a pair, but then that pair had shrunk slightly and Kryten is what you’re left with. He’s everything you could want from a robot – He’ll do your washing, hoover your house with his groin and cook dinner too.
There’s no denying Kryten looks like an action figure that’s been chewed by a bulldog and then left on the rug after a six hour trip through it’s digestive system but that’s what every geek wants! What’s the point in having a robot that looks human? We want angles and a built in TV screen.
Kryten is defective, he’s bad tempered, neurotic and needy, but instead of giving him the Pinocchio complex some of our other robots suffer with this only serves to give him personality.
Basically he’ll be your favourite gadget, your best friend and he’ll iron your underpants.
After some extensive research, I can confidently say that there are some pretty damn awesome robots on TV. Narrowing it down to ten was difficult — it involved many strenuous hours of watching TV. But I put in all this hard work so you don't have to. Your welcome.
10: Alpha 5 — Power Rangers
Bet you didn’t see this one coming! Back in the 90’s Alpha 5 would spend his day’s in a blind robotic panic shouting “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi” while a bunch of teenagers in crash helmets and lycra beat people up.Alpha lives with his big headed boss (and possibly lover) Zordon in a command centre where he makes works as a technician and arms dealer for the power rangers. There’s a childlike innocence about Alpha and while he may not be the coolest TV robot ever he gets extra points for making C3P0 look butch.
9: Sheriff Andy — A Town Called Eureka
Possibly the most human-like robot on our list Andy is here because he’s just lovely. I couldn't decide which of the Eureka robots to put on this list. The one that flies around GD putting out cigarettes by squirting water on them almost won out, but in the end it had to be Andy. He's just such a nice guy. Robot. Machine. Thing.
Loyal, hardworking, incredibly intelligent (he is a computer) and with a charming smile that makes my girlfriend's knees go weak, he's the kind of nice guy you'd want your sister to marry so you could have a sneaky pint with him whilst she goes shopping. But what makes Andy cool in my book though is the fact he is obviously a fan of the fuller figured woman, with his romantic interest being...a house. I kid you not.
8: Twiki — Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
Think robot and you’ll no doubt think of Peter Crouch, think robot sounds and you’ll no doubt think ‘Bidi-Bidi-Bidi’ and that’s all thanks to Twiki. Twiki is cool on several levels firstly being voiced by Mel Blanc who is, of course, the voice behind so many classic cartoon characters. Second is the fact that Buck Rogers is heavily influenced by Star Wars and there are definitely some R2/3P0 parallels to be made between Twiki and his chest-hugging companion Dr. Theopolis.
The main reason Twiki makes the list though is because this pint-sized robot is a feisty little bugger. Classic quotes include “Eat lead, sucker!” and “You ever had TWO broken arms, buster?”
7: The Robot – Lost In Space
Warning! Known formally as a (deep breath) ‘Class M-3 Model B9, General Utility Non-Theorising Environmental Control Robot’ we’ll call it ‘The Robot’ for short.It has classic 1950’s B movie looks, a good old fashioned monotone voice to warn Will Robinson of danger and a plethora of good old-fashioned robo-skills which included scanners for sensing danger, robotic strength and an array of fantastic weaponry. Quite handily it could also produce exact duplicates of small objects, meaning you’d hardly ever have to pop out to the shop again. If that’s not enough for you it even plays the guitar!
If only he’d been able to send email he could have saved the Robinisons so much trouble, and the world from the 1998 movie remake.
6: K9 — Doctor Who
Man's best friend is a dog. Geek's best friend is a robot. K9 is the perfect companion!K-9 may not be cute and fluffy and he may prefer a nice game of chess to fetching a stick but he does have computer intelligence, the ability to speak, a laser in his nose and he’s very unlikely to be afraid of the vacuum cleaner (although he may try to hump it).
5: Optimus Prime — Transformers
As a child of the 80’s robots didn’t get much cooler than robots that could disguise themselves as everyday vehicles (if after that sentence Go-Bots popped into your mind please hang your head in shame and leave the room).I’m of course talking about transformers and as we all know when it comes to Transformers Optimus Prime is the mac daddy.
You might be fooled into thinking that Prime isn’t the best Transformer because he turns into a truck rather than a fighter jet, sports car or a massive 80’s boom box but you’d be wrong.
Prime is cool because he’s the ultimate good guy. He’s a pacifist at heart and is just striving for peace, kinda like a giant robotic Ghandi only not as shiny and with a sword and Ion blaster...
4: Lieutenant Commander Data — Star Trek: The Next Generation
What list of robots would be complete without your one of a kind sentient 24th century android with a desire to become more human. Data started his TV life with a straight-laced childlike naivety, by the time The Next Generation came to an end he had emotions, made bad jokes, experienced love and even sacrificed himself to save the crew.
Data is what most robots can only dream of becoming, well if robots could could dream. He’s played poker with Stephen Hawking, writes poetry, plays the violin and oboe, has a cat called spot and even has a fully functioning wang.
3: Cameron - Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Her Robo-skills include infiltrating the human race, killing and being irresistible. Do I really need to say anything more about this robot? You want one don’t you!
Every geek wishes they had their very own robot and if you got to choose the design then there’s a very good chance said robot will look like Cameron. Obviously that’s just because she’d be slightly more discreet and easier to store than something that looked like Arnie you understand. Ahem.
2: Bender Bending Rodriguez - Futurama
Bender is perhaps the most versatile robot on our list as his talents don’t stop at bending, oh no. He can be a water boiler, vacuum, projector, card shuffler, fridge, popcorn maker, flame thrower and yes even a toilet. Bender is the robot that would have Asimov turning in his grave. He’s thief, a liar and an insensitive, selfish, chain-smoking, gambling alcoholic. In fact he’s just about everything a robot shouldn’t be but he does it all with a ‘loveable rogue’ quality that prevents him from being a complete robo-shit. This is why Bender is one of the coolest robots not only on TV but of all time.
1: Kryten – Red Dwarf
Number one TV robot of all time, as voted for by me without so much as consulting you because you’re bound to be wrong, is…… Kryten. Imagine C3P0 had grown a pair, but then that pair had shrunk slightly and Kryten is what you’re left with. He’s everything you could want from a robot – He’ll do your washing, hoover your house with his groin and cook dinner too.
There’s no denying Kryten looks like an action figure that’s been chewed by a bulldog and then left on the rug after a six hour trip through it’s digestive system but that’s what every geek wants! What’s the point in having a robot that looks human? We want angles and a built in TV screen.
Kryten is defective, he’s bad tempered, neurotic and needy, but instead of giving him the Pinocchio complex some of our other robots suffer with this only serves to give him personality.
Basically he’ll be your favourite gadget, your best friend and he’ll iron your underpants.
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